Nobless Oblige - vanity

Question | 10/18/03 | me

[Cobra64]

When I was growing up (I'm 53) when I made certain comments as a young man, my Dad (yes he was wealthy but certainly not a snob - at home he looked like a farmer - except at the office) said you have to practice "nobless oblige." The way he explained the term was to bend your personality to the indivdual with whom you are conversing... Listen to the laborers thinking, words and listening skills; and respond on his level. On the flip side, when you're negotiating a $50m contract with a supplier, then the conversation changes.

That said, is there an official "definition" of this term?

My son seems to have this gift, but I promised him that I'd give him a more "formal" definition of this comunication practice.

Any help from my fellow FReepers?

BTW, this is my first post, so I hope I haven't put this in the wrong place.

[Cobra64]

When I was growing up (I'm 53) when I made certain comments as a young man, my Dad (yes he was wealthy but certainly not a snob - at home he looked like a farmer - except at the office) said you have to practice "nobless oblige." The way he explained the term was to bend your personality to the indivdual with whom you are conversing... Listen to the laborers thinking, words and listening skills; and respond on his level. On the flip side, when you're negotiating a $50m contract with a supplier, then the conversation changes.

That said, is there an official "definition" of this term?

My son seems to have this gift, but I promised him that I'd give him a more "formal" definition of this comunication practice.

Any help from my fellow FReepers?

BTW, this is my first post, so I hope I haven't put this in the wrong place.

[Senator Pardek]

Listen to the laborers thinking, words and listening skills; and respond on his level. On the flip side, when you're negotiating a $50m contract with a supplier, then the conversation changes.

That said, is there an official "definition" of this term?

"Wise Businessman".

[RightWhale]

noblesse oblige is French.
Rank imposes obligations. Being able to talk directly to your serfs is a plus.

[NittanyLion]

I don't know that there's an actual term for this (perhaps empathy), but in my mind this goes to the heart of respect for people. It sounds like your dad taught you to deal with people as individuals who have unique perspectives and worth, and to never look down on someone based on their social or economic standing. Wise advice...

[Centurion2000]

That said, is there an official "definition" of this term?

Wisdom. Your dad's a smart man.

[StatesEnemy]

That said, is there an official "definition" of this term?

Yes, but it's Latin, hubristicus asininous.

Listen to the laborers thinking, words and listening skills; and respond on his level.

My Word! How mighty white of ya...

[mrsmith]

It's "noblesse oblige" when you treat with respect (or "go the extra mile for") those you have power over- but not when you do it for your equals or superiors.

In all cases it is wise! (That's why wise nobles were obliged to act that way.)

[Cobra64]

Thanks for your sage explanation.

[Cobra64]

Thanks

[Cobra64]

Thanks for your sage explanation and balance between the "less fortunate and the more fortunate" thinking. That's what I have tried to do when I committed a faux pas with good friends of my parents when I made a really stupid statement about their canned dog food (more expensive) versus our stuff in a bag (cheap stuff). I said (to our less than wealthy friends, "even we can't afford Alpo, we feed our Irish Setter the stuff in a bag." I will NEVER forget that. Boy was I a stupid dolt! (I was about 13 when I got that lecture from my Dad. I thought he was going to welt my ass with his belt. I started crying after he explained how my remarks heart his friends feelings.

[Yeti]

"patronizing" "condescending"

[catonsville]

My czech wife who claims aristocratic forebears occasionally uses the term. She likes to use it this way. It is somewhat tongue-in-cheek.

"i am an aristocrat and have certain obligations to various workers, helpers , peasants, underlings and other human beings. It is a sign of my noble status and I will try to be nice and fair to them"

It is actually a subtle put down.

The posters father was more straight foreward. He is saying that if you consider yourself an important, useful person, you have certain obligations to those below you on the social/economic chain.

[jws3sticks]

"patronizing" "condescending"

This it my understanding of the casual usage of the formal term, straight from The New Yorker.

IMHO.

[Maria S]

I've never thought "nobless oblige" had a bad connotation. I translate it as meaning something similar to what the Bible says: "To whom much is given, much will be expected."

If you've been blessed with more than average wealth, brains, physical prowress, etc., you are expected to not squander your gifts.

[wizardoz]

From my readings in English Literature, I'd gathered that nobless oblige went further than merely speaking kindly to people. The wives and daughters of the nobility often made the rounds to the village folk with gifts of fruit, vegetables, and game from the estate. Extra stuff, you know. Later, in the Victorian age, charity work was very popular with the wives of the well-to-do. The more visible, the better, if you know what I mean.

[FormerlyAnotherLurker]

noblesse oblige -
the moral obligation of those of high birth, powerful social position, etc., to act with honor, kindliness, generosity, etc.
[1830–40; < F: lit., nobility obliges]
FROM: Random House Webster's Unabridged

Real Cobra or ___?

[GatekeeperBookman]

In our age, anyone in possession of more of ANYTHING ( than any one else ) is automatically BAD! Today's peasant is trained to hold out his/her hand. If we fail to respond with generosity, they have the gtiovernment TAKE what they want.

[GatekeeperBookman]

Real Cobra or ___? Indeed, show us the stats or a photo.

[StatesEnemy]

Extra stuff, you know.

Extra thanks to whose labor?

[wizardoz]

Hey, you know how it works.