{Satire} New Gore-TV News 'Definitely Not Liberal'

scrappleface.com ^

[jmcclain19]

New Gore-TV News 'Definitely Not Liberal'

(2003-10-14) -- Former Vice President Al Gore's planned new all-news channel is "definitely not liberal," according to Mr. Gore.

"We're aiming for a younger, hipper, not liberal audience," he said. "Our viewers will come from all parts of the political spectrum -- from those who favor a government-run universal health plan, to those who think that Kofi Annan ought to be in charge of the U.S. military. We'll even appeal to people who think that the rich don't pay enough taxes."

The network, a cross between CNN and MTV, will start operations as soon as Mr. Gore can muster enough advertising support.

"One of my advisors said liberal TV is dead on arrival with advertisers," Mr. Gore added. "That's why we're not doing the liberal thing. We'll cover stories that appeal to a broad audience -- from people who support a woman's right to choose abortion, to those who think the government should fund abortions on demand. Our newscasters will be a cross-section of ordinary Americans -- peace protestors, homosexual activists, animal rights defenders and really smart Ivy League grads who could be President of the United States if all the votes had been counted just one more time."

[narby]

"Al Gore-zira" TV

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[NTegraT]

This is hilarious. Everything he cited as those he would appeal to were liberal causes. "We're going to cover both sides of the spectrum, from everything on the left to everything on the left."

[NTegraT]

Okay, okay, so I can laugh at myself. Bet I don't forget who/what scrappleface is again.

[feedback doctor]

I'm surprised that he hasn't got the networks motto yet. Just for the record I am copyrighting my suggestion for that motto. I'll sell it to them because I know they will like it.

Fair and balanced, we'll decide for you."

[Ann Archy]

This is The Onion....Right?? "Must See Liberal TV".....Can't Wait for it!!!

[Ann Archy]

Oh man...a big DUH for me...didn't see SATIRE written in headline....Double DUH!

[Ruth A.]

If it looks like a duck...

He thinks by not calling it liberal it makes it hipper and everyone will be fooled. Maybe the youngsters will, but I hope not.

[irishtenor]

"Tree TV" coming soon to a Liberal near you.

[Qwinn]

What truly frightens me is how "square" one has to actually be to use the word "hip" today, 30 years after it was in style. Maybe they'll deliver the news wearing leisure suits with lava lamps behind them and disco music playing in the background.

Qwinn