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Speaking of glittery things...

In Melbourne, Florida one of the radio stations paid money (-100--500) for people to tell their most embarrassing stories. This one netted the winner $300!
She said:
I was due later that week for an appointment with the gynecologist when early one morning I received a call from his office. I had been rescheduled for early that morning at 9:30 a.m. I had just packed everyone off to work and school and it was around 8:45 already. The trip to his office usually took about 35 minutes so I didn’t have any time to spare.
As most women do, I’m sure, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this time I wasn’t going to be able to make the full effort. So I rushed upstairs, threw off my dressing gown, wet the washcloth and gave myself a wash in “that area,” in front of the sink, taking extra care to make sure that I was presentable.
I threw the washcloth in the clothesbasket, donned some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my appointment.
I was in the waiting room only a few minutes when he called me in.
Knowing the procedure, as I am sure you all do, I scooted up on the table, looked over at the other side of the room and pretended I was in Hawaii or some other place a million miles away from here.
I was a little surprised when he said, “My ...we have taken a little extra effort this morning, haven’t we?”
I didn’t respond... The appointment over, I heaved a sigh of relief and went home.
The rest of the day went normally---some shopping, cleaning, and the evening meal, etc.
At 8:30 that evening my 14 year old daughter was fixing to go to a school dance, when she called down from the bathroom, “Mom, where’s my washcloth?”
I called back for her to get another from the cabinet.
She called back, “No, I need the one that was here by the sink.
It had all my glitter and sparkles in it.”

One more then I have to get ready to go sing in a quartet.

Jerry joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day he takes off his clothes and starts wandering around. A gorgeous blonde walks by him and Jerry immediately gets an erection.

The woman notices his erection, comes over to him grinning sweetly and says: “Sir, did you call for me?” Jerry replies “No, what do you mean” She says: “You must be new here; let me explain. It’s a rule here that if I give you an erection, it implies you called for me.
Smiling, she then leads him to the side of a pool, lies down on a towel by the side of a pool, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her.

Jerry continues exploring the facilities. He enters a sauna, sits down, and farts. Within a few moments a huge, horribly corpulent, hairy man with a firm erection lumbers out of the steam towards him The Huge Man says: “Sir, did you call for me?” Jerry replies: “No, what do you mean”
The Huge Man: “You must be new here, it is a rule that when you fart, it implies you called for me.” The huge man then easily spins Jerry around, bends him over the bench and has his way with him.

Jerry rushes back to the nudist colony office, and is greeted by a smiling naked receptionist. “May I help you?”
Jerry says: “Here is your card and key back, you can keep the $500 membership fee.”

“But Sir, you’ve only been here a couple of hours; you only saw a small fraction of our facilities...”

Jerry replies: “Listen lady, I am 68 years old, I might get a hard-on once a month, but I fart 15 times a day. No thanks.”