Is it "selfish" to have your own children?

Me ^ | 7/17/03 | Me

[Callahan]

Heated discussion at my house last night, instigated when my fiancee asked a pair of mothers if it was "selfish" to have your own children when you could adopt an un-wanted baby instead that already exists. She was speaking in the abstract but it still touched a nerve and led to long debate about adoption, family planning, and the reasons people have children. Can Freepers comment? I'd especially like to hear from mothers and those who have experience with adoption.

[Zavien Doombringer]

I have 4 children, could I be selfish?

Hmmm, good point, anyone want one?

[hsmomx3]

The claim could be made that the Bible instructs us to "be fruitful and multiply." Adoption is great if one has the money and does not mind having to go thru all of the paperwork, etc.

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[colorado tanker]

Making babies is a fundamental human right for married couples. No, it's not selfish, it's a celebration of life and an expression of hope for the future.

I am a parent of one birthchild and three adopted kids. Adoption isn't for everyone. You have to want to be an adoptive parent to put up with the bureaucratic hassles, the expense, the delays and the unique problems of domestic or foreign adoption. But the rewards are great - I experience them in the hugs, kisses and grins I get every night.

[MrConfettiMan]

I'd especially like to hear from mothers and those who have experience with adoption.

Why do you single out mothers? I'm pretty sure I understand your reasoning and I'm not trying to pick on you, just highlighting the unfortunate roles to which the fathers have been placed by our society.

[MrConfettiMan]

FYI. This could become an interesting thread.

[dirtboy]

What a crazy-assed notion. The drive to have offspring is one of the most powerful in the natural world. Willingly helping other children by adopting foster kids is an act of kindness - but that in turn does not make having your own kids selfish.

[Callahan]

I mentioned mothers because the original conversation sented on a couple mothers--my own and my friend's wife.

[Tijeras_Slim]

Hmmm, good point, anyone want one?

Do they come with their own lawnmower?

[Zavien Doombringer]

funny you should ask, my oldest is running a lawn maintenance business, has 5 yards on contract...Very proud..

He's only 16!

[Thorondir]

How nutty can things get? My forever wife and I made five of 'em from scratch. We regret limiting our selfishness to five.

[phasma proeliator]

"Why do you single out mothers? I'm pretty sure I understand your reasoning and I'm not trying to pick on you, just highlighting the unfortunate roles to which the fathers have been placed by our society."

You're a man and therefore, like me, incapable of reasoned thought, kindness, gentleness, or empathy of any kind. All we do is carry heavy stuff and kill things. Basically we are worthless in any type of intellectual or emotional exchange. (Now if there is a refrigerator that needs to be moved - suddenly we're worth talking to). :-)

[annyokie]

ping!

[annyokie]

You guys are good at yardwork and hauling firewood as well as changing the oil in our cars, too. ; )

God gave us small feet so we can stand closer to the stove, is my dad's answer.

[Tax-chick]

No, having your own children is not selfish. Every child we co-create is a gift to the world from God. Each has his or her own role to play in the world, a place no one else can fill. We are expecting our 7th. "Selfish" would be denying our children all the brothers and sisters God wants them to have.

Adopting children is great, if that's where you feel led. However, to be blunt, it's a "buyer's market" in healthy babies. That's why the costs are so high. There are more potential adoptive parents than children. So if you're talking about adopting children who are desperate for families, you're looking at adopting older children, sibling groups, children with medical conditions ... this a very serious commitment, not one to be undertaken on a philosophical whim.

Best wishes to you and your fiancee.

[PayNoAttentionManBehindCurtain]

LOL

My husband tells people his fuction in our marriage was the sprem donor and horse feed buyer:) We've been married 29 yrs.

Becky

[mlmr]

Not a buyers market in adoptive babies. I have four. Never waited more than 9 months, all healthy and beautiful, one gifted and talented and the others in great shape. Price range? 7-12 thousand each excpt the last one was free, after the tax break. Been offered up to 6 or 8 babies to choose from.

[mlmr]

I have adopted four infants. Wish it could have been twice as many but life circumstances....

I cannot bear children although I have always wanted to adopt, even when I could. Adoption is not for most, the old fashioned way is less expensive and there seem to be different connections than adoptive parenting, although I really can't tell, not having experienced both.

I always wanted to adopt becasue it seem to be the right thing for me to do.

[Tax-chick]

Seller's market is what I meant. I know people who have been waiting five years or more, and those costs are hugh, compared to having mine for free (since we were paying for health insurance anyway.) I guess it depends on where you live, among other factors.

I'm very happy for you and your children!