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Forget Halle - Southern men lust after grits
via Internet | July 10, 2003 | Tammy Carter

Posted on 07/10/2003 2:59:26 PM PDT by stainlessbanner

I couldn't believe what I was seeing and hearing. My husband Keith and our friend Keith had that longing look on their faces. I could see the drool dripping from their mouths and hear the desire in their voices.

If I didn't know better, I would have thought they were talking about Halle Berry or a classic Porsche. A stranger never would have guessed they were waxing poetic about a Southern delicacy: grits.

"My mother-in-law sent me eight boxes of Quaker Old Fashioned Grits from North Carolina," our friend says.

"Ohhh, man! You're kidding," my husband says as he licks his lips. "You can't find those here. I refuse to eat quick or instant grits."

"Why?" I ask. "Grits are grits."

They levitated from their seats, looking at me as if I were from Mars.

"It's not about the quickness of food," my husband says through gritted teeth, "it's about the taste. We know a fake pot of grits when we taste it."

Grits connoisseurs. Who knew?

I like grits. Old-fashioned, quick or instant -- all taste great to me. Like my father, I eat grits with butter, cheddar cheese and sugar.

"Noooooo!" both Keiths scream. "Never put sugar in your grits!"

"That's for Cream of Wheat," our friend says. Or oatmeal, my husband says with disdain. He hates oatmeal.

It appears I have a lot to learn about grits. Both men try to school me.

"With grits," my husband says, "consistency is key."

Our friend agrees. "Grits should not be runny," he says. "They should be stiff like mashed potatoes."

"They don't have to be stiff like mashed potatoes," my husband adds, "but they should not be runny."

So how do you cook grits to get that perfect consistency? It depends on which Keith you ask.

"Fill half a small pot with water," my husband says. "Add salt and about two pats of margarine before the water boils. As soon as the water starts to boil, turn the heat down to low and add 5 tablespoons of grits."

To avoid lumpy grits, stir them constantly, and never cover the pot.

"You have to stay with the pot," for about 25 minutes, my husband says. "You'll know the grits are done when they start to go bloop . . . bloop . . . bloop . . . bloop. Let them bloop for another three minutes. Then turn the fire off."

Finally, my husband says, "put in a small handful of shredded mild cheddar cheese, but don't mix the cheese in. Just let it melt down."

The grits are ready to be served with scrambled eggs and bacon. "Eggs must be scrambled, no sunny side up or poached and no runny yolks," my husband says. "You can cook your bacon first, but don't cook your eggs until your grits are done."

Our friend Keith has a different method for cooking perfect grits. He says to put cold water in the pot and add the grits before bringing the water to a boil.

"Stir the grits to remove the lumps, then heat the water," our friend says. "Once the water comes to a boil, cover the pot, so no air escapes. The key is to stir them."

About 30 minutes later, the grits are ready to serve with ham, a pat of butter, two eggs and a biscuit.

"Grits should be served on a plate," our friend adds, "not in a bowl!"

My husband agrees with the plate rule, but can't fathom eating grits with liver or corned beef hash the way our friend likes them.

"In Florida, you have permission to have grits and fish, as long as it's fried catfish fillets," my husband says. "You can't have bones in your grits."

Now all I want to know is: When do we eat?


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To: RetiredArmy
Get a bowl of sand, heat it up in the microwave, put some butter on it, eat it. You got grits. I am originally from Alabama. I ate grits once as a kid. It was back to all that artery hardening bacon, sausage, fried potatoes, gravy, biscuits, toast, eggs over easy for this country boy. I hate grits!

Here is a perfect example of a man who should have been RIF'ed at E-6! Hates Grits!! GEEEEZZZ

21 posted on 07/10/2003 3:18:53 PM PDT by HoustonCurmudgeon (PEACE - Through Superior Firepower)
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To: patton
And no mention of hominy grits????

I'll mention it. Used to get hominy all the time when I was a kid. It was enough to gag a maggot.
22 posted on 07/10/2003 3:19:04 PM PDT by pt17
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To: stainlessbanner
I'm not from the South, but I like grits. Pat of butter, salt and mix in a chopped sunnyside-up egg. Mmmm.
23 posted on 07/10/2003 3:23:32 PM PDT by colorado tanker
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To: stainlessbanner
Whats a grit?
24 posted on 07/10/2003 3:24:41 PM PDT by Delbert
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To: alloysteel
right-and i do love the girls so
25 posted on 07/10/2003 3:25:43 PM PDT by y2k_free_radical (i)
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To: Pukin Dog
Can you even get grits in Nebraska, ive always wanted to try them. Also, what the hell is Okra?
26 posted on 07/10/2003 3:26:24 PM PDT by Husker24
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To: Pukin Dog
She's a commie. Leave her.

Are you kidding? She's even more conservative (if only slightly) than me! But she is from an old New England family (also conservative)...

27 posted on 07/10/2003 3:26:39 PM PDT by Eala (Freedom for Iran 7/09)
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To: lib-r-teri-ann
GIVE ME FAITH HILL
28 posted on 07/10/2003 3:26:44 PM PDT by y2k_free_radical (i)
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To: RetiredArmy
Actually, Berry is a joke. She has a white mother and black father. She decides to accept the black side of her life so she can fast track in everything she wants to do. But, her black father used to beat the white mother all the time, left them, mother raised daughter, daughter becomes famous, selects father's skin color as hers instead of the mother that raised her. BS.

I think her skin color is enough to classify her as black in the minds of most racists. Since the differences beyond skin color are not much, she is effectively black in most people's eyes.

Her option to be "white" is much less than you make it out to be.

29 posted on 07/10/2003 3:26:50 PM PDT by jlogajan
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To: lib-r-teri-ann
Now, Reese Witherspoon is hot.
30 posted on 07/10/2003 3:27:42 PM PDT by Husker24
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To: cmsgop
BTW Nice Job on the Free Iran protest, Nice pics!

Thanks! (Maybe I should promote it more...? *\;-)

31 posted on 07/10/2003 3:28:09 PM PDT by Eala (Freedom for Iran 7/09 -- http://eala.freeservers.com/iranrally)
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To: Eala
She's just tricking you, messing up the grits is a dead giveaway. You should call John Ashcroft on her.
32 posted on 07/10/2003 3:28:38 PM PDT by Pukin Dog (Sans Reproache)
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To: lib-r-teri-ann
This is what we get when affirmative action is applied ot national standards of beauty.

That's nonsense. Beauty is subjective. Everyone has different tastes. Two guys out on the town will debate all evening which chicks are 10's and which aren't. Reading anything more into it is misguided.

33 posted on 07/10/2003 3:29:31 PM PDT by jlogajan
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To: stainlessbanner
"If I didn't know better, I would have thought they were talking about Halle Berry..."

I saw that movie where Halle showed her berries!

It was a defining moment in my life....

34 posted on 07/10/2003 3:29:33 PM PDT by Mad Dawgg (French: old Europe word meaning surrender)
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To: Eala
ruins hers with maple syrup

I like that on fried grits.

35 posted on 07/10/2003 3:29:45 PM PDT by Yeti
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To: Husker24
Okra is living boogers. Some people like it in their Gumbo, others cannot stand the slimey stuff. Nasty. I've had grits in Oklahoma, but never Nebraska. Sooey!!
36 posted on 07/10/2003 3:30:34 PM PDT by Pukin Dog (Sans Reproache)
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To: Husker24
Now, Reese Witherspoon is hot.

See, this is what I am talking about. To me she has too flat a face.

37 posted on 07/10/2003 3:30:58 PM PDT by jlogajan
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To: pt17
Go away, you traitor, you.
38 posted on 07/10/2003 3:31:27 PM PDT by patton (I wish we could all look at the evil of abortion with the pure, honest heart of a child.)
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To: Pukin Dog
Okay, now what exactly is "Gumbo" I know they eat it in Louisiana but thats about it.
39 posted on 07/10/2003 3:31:32 PM PDT by Husker24
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To: Husker24
If your store carries grits, you'll find them next to the oatmeal and Cream of Wheat. I wouldn't know as I have never lived above the Grit Line.

As for okra, have you ever had seafood gumbo? It's the round green things floating around in your gumbo.

My favorite okra is boiled with chopped onion aand tomato, but it's not for the uninitiated. Has a texture some call slimy, which doesn't do it justice.
40 posted on 07/10/2003 3:32:05 PM PDT by CobaltBlue (Never voted for a Democrat in my life.)
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