Oh! I'm laughing again all over again! How in the world did you ever keep a straight face? Or couldn't you? I would have busted out loud laughing, I think. Or at least giggled to myself, while trying to explain about those split peas. How did you ever respond? Sorry, I'm laughing too hard to ask any more about it!
I'm glad you are having a good Friday evening chuckle. If I remember correctly (this happened about 10 years ago) I kept a straight face because I didn't want to hurt her feelings and told her there were dried split peas with the dried beans in the grocery store. She never looked down that isle because she didn't know what to do with dried beans.
She was always nervous about backing up her computer. Thought it would "magically" delete files.
One weekend she and her son went for a drive "in the country" and stopped at a farm produce stand. She bought a dozen fresh eggs. The next morning she was going to scramble some eggs but the yolks were so dark (deep yellow/orange) she was sure they were bad and she pitched the entire dozen. I told her that was because they were from real healthy farm chickens. She never bought "real" eggs again. She was an endless source of entertainment.