[lodwick]

A middle-aged Jewish guy is out to dinner with his wife to celebrate
her 40th birthday. He says, "So what would you like, Sherry? A Jaguar?
A sable coat? A diamond necklace?"

She says, "Morris, I want a divorce."

He says, "I wasn't planning on spending that much."

[grannie9]

LOL...and here's one back at ya... ;)

An older lady was somewhat lonely, and decided that she needed a pet to keep her company. So off to the pet shop she went.

Forlornly, she searched and searched and searched. Nothing seemed to catch her interest, except this one ugly frog. As she walked by the barrel he was in, he looked up and winked at her! He whispered, "I'm lonely too, buy me and you won't be sorry."

The old lady figured what the heck as she hadn't found anything else. So she bought the frog, went to her car and drove off down the road.

Driving along down the road, the frog whispered to her, "Kiss me, you won't be sorry." So, the old lady figured what the heck and kissed the frog.

Immediately the frog turned into an absolutely gorgeous, sexy handsome, young prince. Then, the prince kissed her back, and guess what the old lady turned into?

The first motel she could find. She's old, not dead !

[null and void]

Cheaper to kill her. Even if you get caught, you'll be out of jail before the alimony would have ended....