Set phasers to "fresh-cooled format!"
Ahead warp factor one!
Posted on 05/09/2003 6:06:13 AM PDT by mwyounce
With all the space seed Captain Kirk spread around the galaxy, it figured he'd eventually hear the phrase "semen-related lawsuit."
It just never figured he'd hear the phrase related to a horse.
A little story:
In the mid-1990s, Captain Kirk alter ego William Shatner split from second wife Marcy Lafferty Shatner. Per their divorce settlement, the ex-Mrs. Shatner reputedly was afforded privileges once yearly at Mr. Shatner's horse farm in Kentucky (for the purposes of breeding horses, people).
According to a lawsuit (yes, the semen-related one) filed late last month by Marcy Shatner, in each breeding season since 1995, she was presented with "fresh cooled format" semen from William Shatner's studly stallions.
As an equine Dr. Ruth might tell you, and Marcy Shatner certainly would, "fresh cooled format" is the only way to go.
But in March, according to Marcy Shatner's lawsuit, the semen-exchanging relationship with her former spouse turned "unacceptable."
That's when William Shatner's horse farm allegedly presented Marcy Shatner with the frozen, not "fresh cooled format," genetic material of the horse Great Day's Came the Sun.
"Potential buyers of the breeding privileges do not want the semen in frozen format," the lawsuit says.
In Kentucky's Lexington Herald-Leader, Marcy Shatner's attorney, C. Thomas Ezzell, makes the case for "fresh cooled format" versus frozen, saying there is a lower rate of impregnation with the kind you can store next to the ice cubes and Otter Pops.
"You know, you only get one shot at this, so to speak," Ezzell tells the paper.
Marcy Shatner's lawsuit accuses William Shatner of breach of contract for violating their divorce settlement, and seeks unspecified damages for "economic harm."
According to the Herald-Leader, Marcy Shatner claims the offspring of her girl horse, Espere, with another of William Shatner's boy horses, Sultan's Great Day, could have yielded as much as $165,000--had the match not been foiled by the damn frozen peas. Er, semen.
A message left with Shatner's rep was not returned Thursday. In the Herald-Leader on Wednesday, Ezzell said he wasn't certain the actor had been served with the lawsuit yet.
Shatner, 72, has been a horse enthusiast for years, maintaining horse farms in Kentucky since the mid-1980s, and hosting an annual celebrity polo match for charity in Burbank, California.
Currently wed to wife No. 4, the former Elizabeth J. Martin, the erstwhile Star Trekker has had a rough ride of late. When he's not fending off a semen-related lawsuit, he's coping with the indignity of being named the worst Beatles cover-tune singer of all-time.
A poll by Britain's Music Choice, a digital TV channel, last week cited Shatner's talked-sung-shouted version of "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds" as the least fabulous Fab Four cover, fending off a challenge by Pinky and Perky, two pig puppets who hosted a popular U.K. kids' show from the 1950s to 1970s.
For the record, Pinky and Perky were dishonored for their rendering of "All My Loving."
No word what their position on "fresh cooled format" is.
Set phasers to "fresh-cooled format!"
Ahead warp factor one!
Two examples of different sperm.
This sort of brou-ha-ha is one of the reasons the Jockey Club still requires both the participants to be present and accounted for . . . I guess letting the young folks have a good time is another.
Plus of course the ever-present risk of fraud. DNA typing has made it a lot harder, but jugged semen is a . . . ahem . . . fertile field for con men.
My current horse used to be a broodmare. She is the easiest horse in the world to load on a trailer - you just open the door and in she goes and stands to be tied, 'cause she's all starry-eyed thinking she may be headed for Romance.
"Damn it, Jim. I'm a doctor not a fresh frozen format specialist."
Makes for a nice Friday night.
I am never drinking ice water again!
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