Posted on 04/12/2003 4:04:21 AM PDT by BigWaveBetty
A man was blissfully driving along the highway, when he saw the Easter Bunny hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the Bunny, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of his car and was hit. The basket of eggs went flying all over the place. Candy, too.
The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side of the road, and got out to see that the colorful little Bunny was dead. The driver felt guilty and began to cry.
A woman driving down the same highway saw the man crying on the side of the road and pulled over. She stepped out of her car and asked the man what was wrong.
"I feel terrible," he explained, "I accidentally hit the Easter Bunny and killed it. There may not be an Easter because of me. What should I do?"
The woman told the man not to worry. She knew exactly what to do. She went to her car trunk, and pulled out a spray can. She walked over to the limp, dead Bunny, and sprayed the entire contents of the can onto the poor little bunny.
Miraculously the Easter Bunny came to back life, jumped up, picked up the spilled eggs and candy, waved its paw at the two humans and hopped on down the road. Fifty yards away the Easter Bunny stopped, turned round, waved and hopped on down the road another 50 yards turned, waved, hopped another 50 yards and waved again!!!!
The man was astonished. He said to the woman, "What in heaven’s name is in your spray can? What was it that you sprayed on the Easter Bunny?"
The woman turned the can around so that the man could read the label. It said: "Hair spray. Restores life to dead hair. Adds permanent wave."
Well, he'll be ready to chill out when he goes to visit with Cretin.
Re: Michael Moore, et al ad nauseum...I think Dubya ought to have some crow in the fridge ready to serve if any of those bloviators show up at the dinner.
Not only that, it's Tax Day.
Excerpt:
FOR three days, American tanks have been shelling a military intelligence building in the posh Al-Khathamia area in west Baghdad. The dozen or so tanks are not here to pound intransigent fighters but to break down concrete beams and steel, to reach bunkers deep underground at the Al-Istikhbarat Al-'Askariya facility. The Marines found 123 prisoners, including five women, barely alive in an underground warren of cells and torture chambers. Being trapped underground probably kept them safe from the bombing of Baghdad by the coalition.
Severely emaciated, some had survived by eating the scabs off their sores. All the men had beards down to their waists, said onlookers.
Turret Arch UT sunrise
Rosie went bananas when New York Times music critic Jon Pareles didn't display as much enthusiasm for the show as she did. "Jon was sitting in front of Rosie who bellowed out every word of every song," said our spy. "On some of the livelier numbers people got up and danced - except for Jon, who was reviewing the show.
Rosie started leaning over, yanking his arm and screaming, 'Get up! Dance!' "
Pareles was so annoyed, he finally turned to her and said "Listen, I only take orders from my wife." Pareles told PAGE SIX: "Rosie thought I wasn't having a good time. We were really close to the stage. I didn't think it was a good idea for me to be standing up with my notebook in my hand four feet from Annie Lennox. People go to concerts to party . . . I go to work."
A rep for O'Donnell claimed, "[Pareles'] wife sent Rosie a note apologizing. After the concert [Pareles] apologized too."
WHATEVER happened to Bill and Hillary Clinton? Believe it or not, he is holed up in Chappaqua, writing furiously on his memoirs, and she is holed up in Washington doing the same. [Does anyone here believe this baloney?]
The war curtailed the former president's peripatetic traveling for security reasons. [She must not have seen his schedule lately] SARS means he can't go to China as planned, and India advised he not come there right now as he might not be safe.
But the news is that Chelsea is coming to New York, looking for an apartment which she'd share with a roommate. [What happened to the apartment she and Ian shared last summer in NYC? Must have been a sublet] Chelsea will only be happy downtown. As they say - what kid wants to live uptown nowadays? Not one.
(I think Bill is nailing Hillary's coffin shut for her run at the presidency, he is really off-base. Why am I so surprised when he comes out with this stuff?)
Clinton -- who also called President Bush's 2001 tax cut "nuts" -- said Tuesday that the shutdown strategy might have enabled his administration to gain public support for SEC proposals to limit the ability of auditors to do additional consulting for their clients, just as the federal government shutdown helped him win a budget battle earlier in his administration.
"That's the one thing I regret," said Clinton, referring to the compromise reached after legislators threatened to gut the SEC in response to then-SEC chief Arthur Levitt's campaign to rein in public company auditors. "I think I missed an opportunity there to say, 'Please do it.' "
Speaking at a Conference Board gathering in New York entitled "Progress Report on Restoring Trust in Corporations and America's Financial Markets," Clinton minimized his administration's role in ethical lapses at companies such as WorldCom, Enron and Andersen, while criticizing the current administration for its own economic policies.
"I don't think that anyone in the White House knew the extent of earnings overstatement, or could have known," said Clinton.
His administration did believe, however, that financial regulations in place at the time were inadequate, motivating regulatory efforts of Levitt and then-Treasury Secretary Larry Summers. "Levitt was aggressive," said Clinton. "Summers was aggressive. We got beat."
Clinton placed most of the fault for reform-blocking and scandal-enabling on Republican legislators, particularly Sen. Phil Gramm, former chairman of the Senate Banking Committee. But, he said, the blame goes even wider. "Ultimately, the American people have to take some responsibility for it [electing or re-electing the lawmakers who prevented reforms] ," said Clinton.
Asked about Bush's economic policies, Clinton said he would scrap the current tax cut and put a ceiling on the tax breaks passed in 2001. In their place, said Clinton, he would have lower-income tax breaks that would phase out in two years. As for specific corporate governance reforms, Clinton said he supported more timely disclosures of executive stock sales and "real-time" financial statements released simultaneously with earnings press releases.
The Republican-led economic boom of the 1980s, said Clinton, wasn't really a boom, since it was based on a quadrupling of the federal deficit. "You give me 300, 400 billion dollars a year, I'll show you a good time, too," he said. [Bet he says that to all the campaign donors] link
NEW YORK: Former president Bill Clinton has blasted US foreign policy adopted in the wake of the September 11, 2001, terrorist attacks, arguing the US cannot kill, jail or occupy all of its adversaries. "Our paradigm now seems to be: something terrible happened to us on September 11, and that gives us the right to interpret all future events in a way that everyone else in the world must agree with us," Mr Clinton said. "If they don't, they can go straight to hell." [Where x42 will be the official greeter, some day]
Mr Clinton, who preceded George W. Bush at the White House, said sooner or later the US had to find a way to cooperate with the world at large. "We can't run," he said. "If you've got an interdependent world, and you cannot kill, jail or occupy all your adversaries, sooner or later you have to make a deal."
Speaking at a seminar, Mr Clinton said he believed Washington overreacted to German and French opposition to US plans for military action against Iraq and suggested that the current Administration had trouble juggling foreign and domestic issues.
"Since September 11, it looks like we can't hold two guns at the same time," he said. "If you fight terrorism, you can't make America a better place to be." [Does that make one shred of sense to anyone?]
Mr Clinton said if he was still president [Well, you're not, so shut the *$@% up!!!] he would scrap a $1.2 trillion tax cut proposal made by Mr Bush in January to stimulate the flagging economy. Congress has since cut the proposal to $908 billion in the case of the House of Representatives and $577 billion under a Senate version of the plan. source
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