Posted on 12/17/2002 7:32:02 AM PST by HairOfTheDog
Come on! Come in! -if you would like to have some seedcakes and a pint and relax a while. (If it is a special occasion, we still have a few bottles of the old wineyards left!)
Our first thread ( New Zealander builds Hobbit hole ) reached 4,100 posts, and we thought that was big. Our second thread (The New Hobbit Hole ) held us for over 48,000 posts, and we loved it dearly. We talked about moving to a new thread for the last 38,000 posts, but we are really slow to muster! Finally, the time has come. Tomorrow (at 12:01 am, to be precise!) The Two Towers comes out, and we start a new chapter.
Yeah, what she said. I did that a few weeks back when I thought I had it. Fortunately, I didn't.
Why can't they just lose the ring in the sink?
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I finally saw the new Lord of the Rings movie, which is entitled Lord of the Rings II: A LOT More Stuff Happens. It's a tad on the long side (three days) but I am not complaining. My eyeballs were literally riveted to the screen, by literal rivets, from the moment I sat down until the moment I lost all sensation in my lower body.
Yes, this is a classic movie, the kind that makes you laugh; makes you cry; makes you wonder, over and over, if this would be a good time to go to the bathroom. Above all, it's a movie that makes you think about the issues raised by the plot, the main issue being: What the heck IS the plot?
I say this because it's a very complicated story, with numerous subplots and something like 11,000 major characters, most of whom have hard-to-remember names like ''Flagodirt'' or ''Grempkin.'' So today, as a service to all of you who were confused by this great movie, I present the following:
SIMPLIFIED SCREENPLAY FOR LORD OF THE RINGS II
(Scene 1)
FRODO: Darn! I still have this darned ring that I got in the first movie!
SAMWISE: The ring with the terrible power that causes everyone who comes near it to over-act?
FRODO: Yes! And to destroy it, we must walk, slowly, in real time, all the way across New Zealand!
SAMWISE: But who will guide us?
FRODO: How about a reptilian computer-generated creature with a bad comb-over?
SAMWISE: Dick Cheney's in this movie?
GOLLUM: Very funny, Hobbitt-breath.
(Scene 2:)
LORD ARAGORN: Well, my two trusty companions -- Legolas, the Strangely Tall Elf; and Gimli, the Comic Relief Dwarf -- in our subplot, we are pursuing Merry and Pippin, who have been captured by Orcs, and now we find ourselves in the Kingdom of Rohan, ruled by King Theoden, whose daughter, Eowyn, will become my second love interest once the king is released from the spell cast by his trusted counselor, Grima Wormtongue, who is secretly in league with the evil wizard Saruman!
LEGOLAS: I have no idea what you're talking about.
LORD ARAGORN: Me either. I'm just reading the script.
GIMLI: Well, I'm really short!
(Laughter)
LORD ARAGORN: But enough explanatory dialogue. It's time for one of the estimated 17 big sword-clanging battles we have in this movie with hideous computer-generated monsters who always outnumber us by the thousands, although we defeat them every time, because we are courageous heroes!
LEGOLAS: Also, they have the hand-to-hand-combat skills of alfalfa.
MONSTERS: Arrrrrr.
SWORDS: CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! CLANG!
(Scene 3:)
MERRY: Well, Pippin, we escaped the Orcs, and now we are being carried around by talking trees!
PIPPIN: Apparently, the audience will swallow anything!
TREE: It gets worse! Later on, we engage in branch-to-hand combat! (Scene 4)
MONSTERS: Arrrrrr
SWORDS: CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! (Scene 5)
FRODO: How come, if I'm the protagonist, Lord Aragorn has TWO love interests, and I'm stuck in a subplot with Dick Cheney?
GOLLUM: Maybe it's because your big hairy feet make you look like you're wearing a pair of dead weasels.
(Scene 6)
LORD ARAGORN: Well, Legolas and Gimli, with the help of Gandalf the White, formerly Gandalf the Grey, also known as Gandalf the Beige, we have defeated the Uruk-hai in a giant computer-generated battle. Now we must make haste to the Really Big Rock of Karambador, before the forces of Ba'Zoot, led by the evil King Weltpimple, conquer the Mullions of Gneep and obtain the Remote Control Unit of Doom!
LEGOLAS: Now you're just making stuff up.
LORD ARAGORN: Well, it's not as stupid as the kung-fu trees.
GIMLI: I'm still short!
(Laughter)
(Scene 7)
FRODO: UH-oh! The movie is over, and I still have this darned ring! Do you realize what that means?
SAMWISE: That ''Weasel Feet'' would be a good name for a rock band?
FRODO: Yes, as would ''Kung Fu Trees'' and ''Combat Alfalfa.'' But my point is that the forces of Evil have been let loose upon the land, which means soon there will be...
SAMWISE: No! Not that!
FRODO: Yes. Another sequel.
MONSTERS: Arrrrrr.
Well, you know, their logo does make them look kind of fierce....
In Friday night's game they were playing like little puppies, however, until my son, Will, started yelling, "Bring Forth the Warg riders!", LOL! That got 'em going, and they came back from a 16 point deficit to win by 3 in a very exciting game.....
"Always carry a backup weapon". I'm impressed with Gimli's gear, obviously some of it intended for in-close delicate work.
LOL! Now that's pretty funny!
It's called Ghost Fleet of the Outer Banks and was put out by the National Geographic Society....looks nice on my wall.
I can't stand to think of anyone going mootless....
Yes, I'm not connecting to your site, for whatever reason.
Like a circle in a spiral
Like a wheel within a wheel
Never ending or beginning
On an ever spinning reel
Like snowball on a mountain
Or a carnival baloon
Like a carousel that's turning
Running rings around the moon
Like a clock whose hands are sweeping
Past the minutes of its face
And the world is like an apple
Whirling silently in space
Like the circles that you find
In the Mootmills of your mind....
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