STUNNING EVENTS AT NOTRE DAME

South Bend (AP) – In a dramatic turn of events today, Notre Dame Deity Tyrone Willingham unexpectedly resigned his Head Coaching duties, accepting a demotion to become the Commissioner of the College Football Association. The career change is seen by most objective observers as a significant step down from the lofty heights the coach has ascended to as the Fighting Irish’s field general over the last 15 years. Inside sources have revealed that the university insisted that Willingham, the most successful head coach in Notre Dame’s storied history, accept the position. The Notre Dame administration has quietly grown increasingly frustrated with the Commissioners of the Six Major Football Conferences (or the 6 Families as they are more commonly known) and the tactics they have employed to prevent Willingham’s Fighting Irish juggernaut from winning an unprecedented 11th straight National Title this past season.

That frustration boiled over this year when the Big 12 conference voted to invoke the now infamous “K-State” rule. That rule permitted Kansas State to forgo their Big 12 conference schedule and instead, schedule 11 home games against the likes of Buffalo State, Duke, Idaho, La-Lafayette, La-Monroe, Tulsa, Kent State, Army, Eastern Michigan, Toledo, and SMU. The 9-2 Wildcats were selected to play SEC champions, Vanderbilt for the National Championship tonight.

Of course, Vanderbilt’s inclusion in the Championship Game is also surrounded by controversy. In an effort to further limit Notre Dame’s ability to qualify for the BCS Championship Game, the BCS committee voted four years ago to change the qualification rules for the game so it would be rotated each year amongst the 6 conference champions with their opponent being an At-Large selection from one of the champions of the other 5 conferences based on the BCS standings. For Notre Dame to qualify to be selected as the At-Large team, the rules stated that they must finish the season with at least 11 wins, have a strength of schedule in the Top 2 in the nation, play at least 8 road games and only use a walk-on, back-up quarterback.

But this year’s BCS game, for which the SEC conference champion is the host team, was once again thrown into controversy when 11 of the 12 SEC teams were declared ineligible for the championship or for a bowl because of recruiting violations, thus handing 1-10 Commodores a free ride to the big game against KSU. In spite of Vandy’s terrible record, the coach of their only vanquished opponent, Toledo, believes Vandy earned the right to be in the big game. “KSU had better watch out for the Commodores. They handled our 5’6” scat back with ease and thusly, they deserve to be in the BCS Championship game”, said Coach Bee.

Notre Dame’s chance for the National Championship ended when they did not meet the 11 win qualification. In the final seconds of their season finale against Penn State where the 10-0 Irish were leading 26-24, their QB and 3-time Heisman winner, Carlyle Powlus took a knee at midfield to run out the clock but Penn State was inexplicably awarded a safety by head referee Joe Paterno Jr. Willingham refused to begrudge Penn State the tie, the only blemish on ND’s record the past 11 years, and congratulated the Nittany Lions head coach Joe Paterno (aka Dorian Gray)on his team’s well deserved tie.

With Notre Dame not in the championship for the first time in 11 years, Coach Willingham felt he had let the faithful down and agreed to the administration’s request to accept the Commissioners job. In a statement released to the press last evening, the coach simply said, “Thank you. It has been a pleasure to participate in the lives of these young men and to serve this great institution for so many years.” But the coach also issued the following advice to the 6 Families, “Stop Whining. I will be reconfiguring the college football landscape and will provide more information to you tomorrow.”

ARE YOU CRAZY ???

You forgot that Toledo BEAT Vanderbilt, then when Kansas St. defeats Vanderbilt in the championship game, the NCAA rules that KSU must forfeit due to the use of non-eligible players.

Magic: Vanderbilt, WINLESS champions of the college football world.

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