Did everyone sign the petition?
Did everyone sign the petition?
Keep em flowing barkeep!!!
I don't like the sign of the times
Some pretty good jokes today.
And, since one of the themes concerns parrots, here is one of my favorite parrot stories.
It is better around Christmas time, but hey, we are all friends here!
Chet, the Christmas Parrot
A man wanted to get his wife something really special for Christmas. He knew of her love for birds, and so went to a pet store to get her that something really special.
After explaining to the proprietor what he wanted, the proprietor said, "I have just the thing for you. Chet, the Christmas parrot."
He took the man over to a corner of the store, and in a cage was a beautiful parrot.
The man looked at the bird, and asked, "What is so special about Chet, the Christmas parrot?"
The proprietor said, "Look and listen." He then lit a match and gently held it, through the cage, under the parrot's left foot. Among a few squawks, the parrot sang Jingle Bells. Then, the proprietor took another match and held the flame under the parrot's right foot, and among a few squawks, the parrot sang Deck the Halls.
"This is perfect," said the man. He bought the bird and took it home and showed it to his wife.
"Honey, this is your extra special Christmas present, Chet the Christmas parrot," he said.
"Oh may, he is beautiful. But what makes him so special?" asked the wife.
"Look and listen," said the man. He produced a cigarette lighter, lit it, and gently, through the cage, placed it under the parrot's left foot. Among a few squawks, the parrot sang Jingle Bells. Then, he placed the flame under the parrots right foot, and among a few squawks the parrot sang Deck the Halls.
The wife was duly impressed. Then she asked, "What if you place the flame between the feet?"
"I don't know," replied her husband. And, then he fired up the lighter and placed it, carefully, through the cage, between the parrot's feet.
And, among a few squawks, the parrot sang ....
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"Chet's Nuts Roasting on an Open Fire."
And, one for the road..................
Mexican Jews?
Sid and Al were sitting in a Mexican restaurant.
"Sid", asked Al, "are there any Jews in Mexico?"
"I don't know" Sid replied. "Why don't we ask the waiter?"
When the waiter came by, Al asked him, "Are there any Mexican Jews?"
"I don't know sir, let me ask", the waiter replied, and he went into the kitchen.
He returned in a few minutes and said, "No, sir. No Mexican Jews."
"Are you sure?" Al asked.
"I will check again, sir." the waiter replied, and went back to the kitchen.
While he was still gone, Sid said, "I cannot believe there are no Jews in Mexico. Our people are scattered everywhere."
When the waiter returned he said, "Sir, no Mexican Jews."
"Are you really sure?" Al asked again". I cannot believe there are no Mexican Jews."
"Sir, I ask everyone," the waiter replied exasperated. "We have orange Jews, prune Jews, tomato Jews and grape Jews, but no one ever hear of Mexican Jews!"
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On a more serious note (very slightly more serious) these darn globalists are getting their paws into everything. Here is a report from the latest European Commission.
The European Commission
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of the "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing public enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with the "f". this will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double leters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.
By the 4th yer, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z", and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a ril sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and ervivon vil find itezi tu understand ech oza.
Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru. If zis mad yu smil, pleas pas it on to oza pepl.