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"I will lose access to my kids, lose my home, lose everything that I have been working for these past 20 years. On top of that, a significant portion of my future earnings will be diverted to her (even though she has her own career) and a claim will even be made on my 401(k) retirement plan."

You are exactly right, because this is nearly what happened to me, except the kids were old enough to where I did not have to pay child support. And she got the house in lieu of any retirement benefits "owed" to her. Some trade, eh? All I had to do was wait nearly 25 years for retirement in order for that "trade" to be a good deal. And she thinks she gave me a good deal on the whole thing!!!