| let's just leave it that we have a disagreement about means.
|
Posted on 07/06/2002 5:00:19 AM PDT by buccaneer81
I strongly disagree with this. People who fight are likely to say things that they don't mean, wouldn't say otherwise and will regret later. I almost always think fights are foolish, upsetting and embarrassing and generally not the way to solve problems effectively. If you disagree with this, tell me where I'm wrong.
A for instance.... I home school the girls during the day, and work at night. This way, we have two incomes but I am home during the day and he is home at night. We do not have childcare costs by doing this. Bryant has no trouble helping me with housework or with the children but he loves to stay up late and sleep in.
Our new baby is 7 weeks old and does not sleep during the day. As you can imagine this presents some scheduling problems. Frequent interruptions in our education program was driving me crazy and I finally (out of frustration) yelled at him that he had to get up with the kids so I could home school.
He was stunned. He very calmly asked me why I had waited until I was angry instead of telling him I needed help. "Do you think I would not help you if you just asked?" and the answer of course is a resounding NO. He never has. If I ask him to do something he does.
I think most of our problems with married life would melt away if women stopped expecting men to prioritize in the manner we do. They do not. They are not as stressed about keeping a home clean, having well rounded nutritionally balanced meals, or matching outfits. Doing the dishes for a guy means you move them from the sink to the dishwasher. I count myself lucky if he remembers to rinse them first.
For some reason we seem to think we can 'do it all' 'have it all' and not become resentful and frustrated when we find out we are a far cry from the modern image of 'supermom'. Most of our problems stem from disappointed expectations. I have come to realize men do not perceive we need help, mainly because we make our work load look so damn easy, and we do not ask for it. Instead we are content to let frustration and exhaustion build until we have reached a breakpoint.
Unfortunately I watch all my friends do this same thing. It is like a universal thing I guess. Women take pride in being able to better multi-task than men and feel it somehow diminishes their role if they simply say ..."Hey I need help."
Most of my girlfriends have said to me "He should know I need help with the kids! I should not have to tell him all the time!" Believe me. They don't. They don't think the way we do, and they don't perceive or prioritize the way we do. Expecting that is like expecting ourselves to play all parts without falling short somewhere and then blaming our humanity on our men.
| let's just leave it that we have a disagreement about means.
|
Not just pets, but any personal property (I should know; it says so in my restraining order).
I don't suppose it's occurred to you that what's going on in this thread is part of a process comparable to the one that made most of those issues go away. Now the issue is men having to "justify" why they should be treated as human beings by the court system following divorce. There is a comparable sort of prejudice driving that issue.
Remember how women needed men the way fish need bicycles? You're hearing the flip side of that here. Are you surprised? Don't be. Goes around, comes around, and all that.
Why was the struggle by women heroic and liberating, while this one is "whining" and "immature?" Is that characterization not just self-centeredness and conceit? It sure sounds like it. You've come a long way, baby. Now comes the other half of the deal. You didn't think it was all going to be one-way, did you?
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That is an interesting response, because I did not describe a means. I described only an outcome, a system in which a woman could not know for certain that she would always win. You appear to oppose this reflexively. Why?