[Hunble]

You did make an attempt to clean it up and not leave it for her to do, didn't you?

Yes, with the long shag rug, I very carefully clipped out the burned areas of the carpet. All of the glass has been picked up. If she does not notice the obvious missing glass from the fireplace, I could keep it a secret and blame it on the dog.

But when my wife gets home tonight, she will still cut my balls off. This woman is not dumb!

[HairOfTheDog]

I very carefully clipped out the burned areas of the carpet

This little statement is giving me a worry....

[HairOfTheDog]

And since long shag rugs haven't been manufactured in 20 years, perhaps suggesting new carpet will win you a bit of favor....

[HairOfTheDog]

And maybe a burn barrel would be a good idea.

[another cricket]

“Honey, you know how you wanted to redecorate the living room but I always said it looked fine? Well....”

This is going to cost you big time. But if you approach it in the right way she will probably let you live.

a.cricket

[Cagey]

Yes, with the long shag rug,

Your wife may kill you because you didn't let the shag rug burn. Be careful of your Lava Lamp too.