"In a survey, 80 percent of women thought their a$$ was too fat, 15 percent said their a$$ was too thin, and the other five percent said they didn't care - they would have married him anyway!!"
Her husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said, "This will make you happy tonight." He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, she squirted it all over the doorknobs and he couldn't get back in.
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"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower. "Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
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Q: What must a woman do when a man is running around in circles?
A: Reload and continue shooting.
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Q: Why can't men get Mad Cow Disease?
A: Because it only attacks the brain.
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Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor.
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A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
The woman says, "I'll miss you."