Here are some Ferengi Rules of Acquisition I found. Some of them sound absolutely Dwarvish. Here they are:
- Once you have their money, you never give it back.
- If they want their money back, give it to them.
- The best deal is the one that brings the most profit.
- Never spend more for an acquisition than you have to.
- I found it; it's mine.
- Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity.
- Keep your ears open.
- Small print leads to large risk.
- Only a fool passes up a business opportunity.
- Opportunity plus instinct equals profit.
- Greed is eternal.
- Greed is dead.
- Anything worth doing is worth doing for money.
- A deal is a deal... until a better one comes along.
- A contract is a contract is a contract--but only between Ferengi.
- A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all.
- Satisfaction is not guaranteed.
- Never place friendship before profit.
- A wise man can hear profit in the wind.
- Nothing is more important than your health... except your money.
- There's nothing more dangerous than an honest businessman.
- What's in it for me?
- Never make fun of a Ferengi's mother. (Insult something he cares about, instead.)
- It never hurts to suck up to the boss.
- War is good for business.
- Peace is good for business.
- If it's free, take it and worry about hidden costs later.
- She can touch your lobes, but never your latinum.
- Profit is its own reward.
- Never confuse wisdom with luck.
- Never trust anyone whose suit is nicer than your own.
- The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife.
- Reward anyone who adds to your profits so they will continue to do so.
- Never ask when you can take.
- Always exaggerate your estimates.
- Good customers are as rare as latinum--treasure them.
- There is no substitute for success.
- Free advice is seldom cheap.
- Keep your lies consistent.
- Let's you and him fight.
- The riskier the road, the greater the profit.
- Win or lose, there's always Huyperian beetle snuff.
- Huyperian beetle snuff may be fun for you and me, but it's no fun for the beetles.
- Ferengi are not responsible for the stupidity of other races.
- Knowledge equals profit.
- Home is where the heart is, but the stars are made of latinum.
- Every once in a while declare peace.
- Beware of the Vulcan greed for knowledge.
- The flimsier the product, the higher the price.
- Never let the competition know what you're thinking.
- Learn the customer's weaknesses so you can better take advantage of him.
- Ask not what your profits can do for you, but what you can do for your profits.
- There are many paths to profit.
- Females and finances don't mix.
- Expand or die.
- For every Rule, there is an equal and opposite Rule (except when there's not).
- Enough... is never enough.
- If you can't take it with you, don't go.
- Every man has his price.
- Trust is the biggest liability of all.
- Nature decays, but latinum is forever.
- Fill a desparate need with your most expensive product, then mark it up 500%.
- Faith moves mountains... of inventory.
- There is no honor in poverty.
- Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack.
- Treat people in your debt like family--exploit them [ruthlessly].
- Everything is for sale, even friendship.
- Even a blind man can recognize the glow of latinum.
- You can't make a deal if you're dead.
- Wives serve; brothers inherit.
- Only fools pay retail.
- There's nothing wrong with charity... as long as it winds up in your pocket.
- Sell the sizzle, not the steak.
- Even in the worst of times, someone turns a profit.
- Whisper your way to success.
- Know your enemies... but do business with them always.
- Not even dishonesty can tarnish the shine of profit.
- Let others keep their reputation. You keep their money.
- Hear all; trust nothing.
- A Ferengi waits to bid until his opponents have exhausted themselves.
- Never cheat a Klingon... unless you're sure you can get away with it.
- It's always good business to know about new customers before they walk in your door.
- The justification of profit is profit.
- New customers are like razor-backed Greeworms--they can be succulent, but sometimes they bite back!
- Sometimes the only thing more dangerous than the question is an answer.
- Employees are the rungs on the ladder of success--don't hesitate to step on them.
- Never begin a business negotiation on an empty stomach.
- Never gamble with an empath.
- You can't free a fish from water.
- Always know what you're buying.
- Always know the competition.
- Sometimes what you get free costs entirely too much.
- Possession is 11/10 of the law.
- Beware the man who doesn't make time for oo-mox.
- Latinum lasts longer than lust.
- You can't buy fate.
- Never be afraid to mislabel a product.
- More is good... all is better.
- Synthehol is the lubricant of choice for a customer's stuck purse.
- A wife is a luxury... a smart accountant, a necessity.
- A wealthy man can afford anything except a conscience.
- Never allow doubt to tarnish your lust for latinum.
- When in doubt, lie.
- Deep down, everyone's a Ferengi.
- No good deed ever goes unpunished.
- When Morn leaves, it's all over.
- Whenever you exploit someone, it never hurts to thanks them. (That way, it's easier to exploit them the next time.)
- The more time they take deciding, the more money they will spend.
- The greater (the) amount you are taking from someone, the greater the distraction must be.
- A bargain usually isn't.
- One person's secret is another person's opportunity.
- The hand that holds the latinum may also hide a dagger.
- You can tell a great deal about a man from his shoes.
- Time's an asset.
- Your goods are now my goods.
- Exploitation begins at home.
- When you see a good deal, jump on it.
- A Ferengi without a head for business has no future.
- Business is business, even among friends.
- Everything has a price.
- Ears open, eyes wide.
- Never believe anyone taller than you.
- There's a Rule of Acquisition to cover everything, but that doesn't mean one's always got to be applied.
- It's better to live on one's feet than to die on one's knees.
- A good negotiation should be savored, like a good wine.
- A man is only worth the sum of his possessions.
- When no appropriate Rule applies, make one up. (The unwritten rule)[Example: When the messenger comes to appropriate your profits, kill the messenger.]
It is up to you to decide which ones fit. ;^)
ksen, ksen, ksen.....tsk tsk tsk
You take delight in this, don't you? I'm speechless, since I don't know a ferengi from a patootie...
I only know the old original version of Star Trek, never got into the Next Generation...