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Posted on 10/24/2026 4:39:37 AM PDT by McGruff
KYIV — Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy denied claims by President Trump that Starlink service had been restored in Ukraine, even going so far as to say their service had been downgraded by Elon Musk to Netscape Navigator with a dial-up connection.
All Ukraine computers are reportedly stuck on dial-up, and drones don't work because there's no WiFi. This has severely limited Ukraine's ability to conduct military operations and go on raids in World of WarCraft.
"It's not even 56k, it's a 14.4 modem we have to work with," Zelenskyy said. "I can't even play StarCraft. Not that I'm trying to. But the buffering is ridiculous."
Worse yet, a dial-up connection requires a phone line. Any time his mom calls, Zelenskyy is knocked off the Internet.
"Mom, I was looking at Google Maps!" he said on one such occasion. "You're diminishing the war effort!"
A solution may not be coming soon, however, as Trump insists Zelenskyy is making the whole thing up. "Netscape Navigator is dead," Trump said. "Besides, I'd give them a Juno subscription. You know you get ten hours a month for free? It's a great deal, Juno. No one liked Netscape even when it was active. They called it Deathscape because using it was just death. Juno is the way to go. Named a movie after it. Ellen Page was in it. Wow. Ellen Page. What ever happened to her? She was great."
(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...
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Maybe it’s time for this war to end.
I think Ellen Page is now Allen Page.
Time to cut off Sniffy and his Azov Nazis.
Ah, the good ‘ol days of 486DX-33 VESA Bus/250MB/4MB/1MB Vid/33.6USR. When 1MB in 10 minutes made me the envy of my coworkers and the IT guys had a new 4GB tape backup that was $3K. 1MB RAM hit $100 because some plant in Taiwan had a “fire” and my 486 value actually increased. Gas was $.90/Gal. Good times.
Personally, I miss Netscape Navigator
Sure, because Putin who is trying to rebuild the Russian Empire, by invading neighboring countries is the 'good guy'. Okay
Putin is not the good guy but neither is Zelensky. Ukraine is as corrupt as a country can be and is only marginally better than Russia. Ukrainian officials aren’t interested in gaining territory like Putin is, they just want giant piles of money. Putin REALLY wants the farmland that is Ukraine since Russia can’t grow enough food.
😂😂
Nobody is fighting to support corruption or Zelensky.
Ukrainians are fighting to be free from Putin/Russian brutal domination and to have the freedom to choose their own future.
Yup, its funny that Ukraine cannot use Starshield to intercept hundreds of Russian kamikaze Geran drones that are striking Ukraine's cities and killing civilians. Hilarious!
Firefighters try to extinguish a fire after a Russian missile attack in central Kyiv, Ukraine, Thursday, Oct. 22, 2026
Russia fires three waves of missiles at Kyiv
It’s a Babylon Bee thread, for crying out loud.
Take your war porn somewhere else. What a sicko. 🙄
Yup, they have no sense of humor.
Yeah, this is the Bee but still, I've had a belly full of Zelenskyy.
It was the best for its time.
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