Dropped trou, dropped case: Judge tosses charges against nudist choked at Bob Weir [Grateful Dead] event

A San Francisco judge has dismissed all charges against a nudist activist accused of spitting on park rangers during a public memorial for Grateful Dead cofounder Bob Weir.

Martin Moulton, 59, faced misdemeanor charges of battery on a police officer and resisting arrest stemming from the Jan. 17 incident at Civic Center Plaza. Judge Kay Tsenin granted the dismissal after a March 23 hearing on a motion filed by the San Francisco public defender’s office.

According to the public defender’s office, footage from a body-worn camera shows park ranger Antoine Fisher choking Moulton after Moulton told Fisher not to touch him. Moulton had declined to put on clothing...

Moulton told The Standard that the altercation was “overkill” and that fellow nudists, who chose to cover up when confronted, had been “well within our rights and constitutional liberties.” He expressed embarrassment over the spitting, saying it was “an insulting gesture” that he regretted.

Moulton, who works as an organizer for the World Naked Bike Ride, serves on the San Francisco Bicycle Coalition’s board of directors.

LOL, I can tell you from direct personal experience, that getting your stones covered with pepper spray is no bed of flowers!

I went to a late fall get together with a bunch of friends many years ago in Vermont, and there were about ten of us, just walking the deserted roads late at night, drinking beers, joking, etc. There wasn’t anyone around in a lot of the chalets, so we weren’t disturbing the peace.

Suddenly a dog appeared in the road and began barking at us. His wagging tail and body language indicated to me the dog was not a threat, but was kind of just “doing its job”, barking at strange people,

My buddy pulled a container of pepper spray out of his pocket, and was going to spray the dog. I snatched it heatedly from his hand, and said “Don’t spray that dog! It isn’t going to harm us!” and I stuck the pepper spray in my trouser pocket and forgot about it.

A few minutes later, and crouched down to tie a shoelace. While I was tying it, I heard a faint hissing sound, but puzzled, I idly wondered what that sound was. Kind of like a plumber working on plumbing, and hearing a sound like a cow pissing on a flat rock and wondering “What the heck is that sound?”

Then, I felt a dampness in my trousers that covered my entire crotch, and a split second later, an intense burning sensation grabbed my immediate attention. I realized what it was, but by then, my concern for “that area” overrode everything else. Without even a second of hesitation, I took a nearly full bottle of Rolling Rock, inserted it into the belt line of my trousers directly South of my belly button, and drained it.

When that didn’t provide any relief, I ran up to a chalet with a garden hose intending to shove that down the front of my pants, but the water was turned off.

I turned and ran back to the chalet we were staying at, went in the bathroom and ran the spigot right over my crotch as I rested the side of my face against the tiled surface.

Well, as you can imagine, I thought I was never going to live that down, But I did...:)

This was before the advent of cell phones. In today’s world, I would have no doubt been videoed, and it would have been up on the Internet within the hour so I would have had my “15 Minutes of Fame, wanted or unwanted. Of course, that person would have to have looked over their shoulder for the rest of their life if they had!

It reminded me of another incident just a few years ago.

We were having rabbits out the kazoo, and they were destroying my wife’s garden, so I told her I would trap the rabbits and get rid of them. (I am in a neighborhood, so I don’t have the option of picking them off)

I get the trap set, and one night, as I am sleeping with my windows open, I am having dreams of skunks. I woke to my wife whispering “Wake up! I think there’s a skunk in the trap!” I had been smelling the skunk, and that was why it appeared in my dream.

Sure enough, in my groggy state, I peered out the window at the trap and could see black and white in it. It was about 5 AM and just barely light, and I thought if I could release it quickly, I might be able to sleep another hour before I had to get up for work. So I grabbed a pair of pants, pulled them on commando-style if you get my drift, put on a t-shirt and shoes, and still completely befuddled by sleep, shuffled out to the backyard to release the skunk.

Now, this was a first for me. Never had to release a skunk, but I had talked with my boss about it (who had experience) and he said it was safe as long as you held a sheet or beach towel in front of you as you walked calmly and slowly towards the skunk, then you could gently cover the cage with it and release it.

This all sounded reasonable when you were in an office with fluorescent lights discussing it before lunch, but at 5 AM with a real, smelly skunk in your trap...well, I was a little nervous. But he had sounded confident, so I thought it should be just as he said. I walked slowly towards the skunk, which stopped moving as I approached. I knew this, because the tinkling sound of rustling inside the cage trap suddenly stopped, and the silence seemed...well...ominous to me!

But on I went.

I reached the trap, and bending over, very gently laid the towel over the top. So far so good.

Unfortunately, as I bent and opened the other end of the trap to allow the skunk to run out, my pants started to slip down. I had grabbed a baggy pair of pants that really didn’t fit, and didn’t take the time to put on a belt. So just as the skunk exited the trap, my pants started to go, and it was a full moon starting to rise. I desperately cinched my elbow to my side, and looked up to see my wife’s grinning face in the window looking out at me.

I suddenly had this instantaneous vision of me, getting my “15 Minutes of Internet Fame” from a viral YouTube video posting by my wife from her phone.

In this video, here I am with my pants falling completely to the ground as the skunk exits the trap. I could, in my mind, clearly visualize the skunk, pausing momentarily in its unexpected flight to freedom, stopping to give its well-intentioned rescuer a parting shot of 100% genuine Skunk Spray right in my face before contentedly waddling off. Me, with my naked chalk-white butt completely exposed, blinded by skunk spray, groping around and gasping before tripping over the empty trap and falling to the ground.

All this went through my mind in a flash, and to my relief, my pants didn’t go down, the skunk didn’t pause, and my wife didn’t have a phone recording the whole thing! But she was grinning as she saw me struggling to keep my pants up!

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