A little off topic but ive always struggled with this part of the Lord's Prayer, when it comes to my ex.
“Lord, help me forgive trespasses against me as I would be forgiven my trespasses against You.” (A daily prayer.)
Pursuant to Catholic moral doctrine, salvation is not possible for you if you yourself obstinately refuse or fail to forgive others.
Ideally, forgiveness is to flow from you immediately after the commission by the other of the act, or the failure to act, that harms you. This is saintly behavior. The rest of us are to work toward that goal while still living on this earth, or as Catholics say, within the Church Militant.
So forgiveness is an imperative if you have these kinds of issues with your ex.
Consider though, that many or even most individuals you might be on the hook to forgive are not repentant, in no present mood to apologize (perhaps thinking they are not “in the wrong”, but rather, that you are “the problem”), and consequently are far from thinking about the real need to reconcile with you.
You still need to forgive, though. 🤨🤔
In this circumstance, don’t seek to forgive in words. Instead, demonstrate forgiveness in how your behave toward that person, how you interact with them.
Cause them to stop, eventually, and think: I know that I haven’t done right by that person, and yet, they are consistently being pleasant and nice toward me. Solicitous, complimentary, soft-hearted. Friendly even. What the heck?
Eventually they’ll get the message in a way they can’t argue with: They’ve been forgiven.
You aren’t being asked to forget things, and you may need to adjust your conduct to limit the possibility of similar future harm. But the love of God needs to flow, through you, toward those who have harmed you.
You will not be free from her until you forgive. Once you have forgiven in your mind, she will no longer live rent free in your mind.