[rktman]

Well, the manager needs to be fired for being intoxicated on the job........ ‘urinalists today. Probably can’t diagram this sentence.

[T.B. Yoits]

I like how he allegedly attempts but isn't allegedly intoxicated.

Should have been: "Allegedly Intoxicated Salvation Army Ringer in Florida Allegedly Attempts to Use Donation Tripod to Impale Store Manager"

These "journalists" are either recent graduates, are foreigners, or both.