THANK YOU for purchasing the SureTransit GEO-PORT™ teleportation device! Proper use of this device will ensure years of service, allowing your customers quick and efficient travel at a very low cost. Posted on 07/25/2025 2:43:17 AM PDT by Lazamataz
THANK YOU for purchasing the SureTransit GEO-PORT™ teleportation device! Proper use of this device will ensure years of service, allowing your customers quick and efficient travel at a very low cost.
This high-quality teleportation product is built to exacting standards, but if you should experience a problem not covered in TROUBLESHOOTING, please visit our website at www.geoport-teleporters.com for additional information or to submit a request for technical help. If you still need assistance, call us at 1-800-555-1212. In Canada, call us at 1-800-555-8077. You will need to provide your model and serial number, located on the product specification plate, which is the brass panel to the right of the activation panel.
SAVE THIS USER GUIDE! THESE INSTRUCTIONS, WARNINGS, AND TROUBLESHOOTING STEPS ARE IMPORTANT!
DANGER: UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD ANY PART OF THIS TELEPORTER BE PUT IN YOUR MOUTH. GeoPort Technologies cannot be held responsible for any subsequent dental repair costs.
ABOUT YOUR DEVICE
Your teleporter is based upon scientific principles communicated to all of humanity during First Contact with the Cephian race. This technology allows for instantaneous travel to many places on Earth and even the solar system.
There are two types of teleporters: Fixed-destination devices tuned to a hardcoded location, and variable-destination teleporters, which can be tuned to any location desired by the operator. This user manual covers both variations.
IMPORTANT WARNING: VARIABLE-LOCATION TELEPORTERS ARE EXCLUSIVELY FOR USE BY DESIGNATED GOVERNMENT AGENCIES. UNAUTHORIZED POSSESSION OF A VARIABLE-DESTINATION TELEPORTER IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN, AND POSSESSION MAY RESULT IN SERIOUS FELONIES, WITH PUNISHMENTS TO INCLUDE INCARCERATION AND FINES, AS WELL AS SUBSTANTIAL EMBARASSMENT.
FOR FIXED-DESTINATION EARTH-SPECIFIC TELEPORTERS:
Your teleporter is tuned to open a destination teleportation portal at a fixed terrestrial location assigned by I.R.A.A.
FOR FIXED-DESTINATION SOLAR-SYSTEM-SPECIFIC TELEPORTERS:
This device will adjust the destination teleportation portal to accommodate planetary movements relative to Earth, resulting in the opening of a destination teleportation portal at a fixed location (also assigned by I.R.A.A.) on that heavenly body.
IF YOU HAVE A FIXED-DESTINATION TELEPORTER, DO NOT TAMPER WITH THE DESTINATION LOCATION TUNING MODULE IN ANY WAY. TAMPERING WITH THE DESTINATION LOCATION TUNING MODULE IS A SERIOUS FELONY AND CAN RESULT IN SERIOUS HARM OR DEATH!
Your device will require electrical power to operate. Your model will show the voltage and amperage required for a single teleportation. These figures are also found on the product specification plate, which is the brass plate to the right of the operating panel.
WARNING: Supply, at a minimum, the electrical power that is indicated on your product specification plate. Supplying too little power may cause the device to fail to operate. There is no benefit or danger to supplying more than the indicated minimum.
DANGER: FOR SAFETY PURPOSES, ONLY ALLOW ONE LIVING BEING OR DISCRETE SET OF OBJECTS TO TRANSIT AT A TIME. Please see the article in Teleporter Times Weekly, volume 112, pp. 46-52, in which five llamas, teleported simultaneously, were combined into one very ugly, very messy pile of fur and guts. GeoPort Technologies cannot be held responsible for legal liability -- or any cleanup -- if this warning is not heeded.)
The device will sense the mass of the object to be teleported and draw the required power for a successful transit.
There should be no need for you to perform any setup of your device. Our trained technicians will set up the device. Do not alter any component, as safety and operation cannot be guaranteed, and such action will also void your warranty.
OPERATION OF YOUR DEVICE
Operation of the SureTransit GEO-PORT™ teleportation device is extremely simple, so simple that a caveman should be able to operate it. (WARNING: DO NOT ALLOW A CAVEMAN TO OPERATE YOUR TELEPORTER!)
See the illustration below, which shows the configuration of the operating panel:
The Control Panel consists of the following components.·
This maintenance-free teleporter is very unlikely to need any troubleshooting, so in the event of a malfunction, please perform the following steps:
If these steps fail to correct the malfunction, please perform the following step.
If none of these steps help correct the problem, please call us at our support number listed above, and we will be equally as powerless as you in finding the problem… but at least we will make supportive comments while we, together, bemoan your issue.
INSTRUCTIONS FOR VARIABLE-DESTINATION TELEPORTERS
This section is left intentionally blank.
MERCHANDISE
We at GeoPort Technologies are proud of our product, and you should be proud of owning one! We offer various ‘bling’ in the form of coffee cups, hoodies, luggage, handbags, and pen and pencil sets. If your country permits blatant sexism, we even have a Teleported Hottie of the Month calendar. Please find our inventory of branded merchandise in the catalog that came with this guide. Note that we only accept BitCoin at this time. Using only BitCoin helps us get away with it.
FINAL THOUGHTS
Teleportation is instantaneous; therefore, the airliner custom of handing out tiny bags of peanuts is optional. However, we do offer branded bags if you wish to get some. If you wish to make teleportation a little more fun, remember to advise your travelers to scream “I’m alive!” for dramatic effect, upon arrival at their destination.
Happy flick-tripping!
Although I never wrote any Sci-Fi, I grew up reading everything other worldly that I could get my hands on, starting in the mid-fifties. You definitely have a talent for these types of stories.
Based on what I learned about Amazon over the years, you are probably going to want to check out Ingram Spark for future self-publishing. Your work will be presented in more venues, and you will also retain full control over your publications. My first publisher was the only outfit that sued Amazon and won over some of their devious practices, so be wary of them.
Also, be careful of Barnes and Noble. They have been known to order a bunch of books and then, after a long time, return them, which can bankrupt a starting author because you have to pay for the printing and shipping costs.
The best way to market your books is to attend events that attract sci-fi readers and rent a table space. I spent several years on the road before Covid hysteria settled us in NC. Although I didn’t make much money, we certainly ate well and stayed in top shelf hotels, plus made a lifetime of new friends.
May cause simultaneous projectile vomiting and explosive diarrhea. Use as directed.
FYI: You could run a special on Kindle Direct Publishing whereby you offer your Kindle version at a discount or even free for a limited period of time to attract attention.
Thank you very much for your kind words!
Based on what I learned about Amazon over the years, you are probably going to want to check out Ingram Spark for future self-publishing. Your work will be presented in more venues, and you will also retain full control over your publications. My first publisher was the only outfit that sued Amazon and won over some of their devious practices, so be wary of them.
Thanks for that, as well! I need to check out this Ingram Spark deal.
Also, be careful of Barnes and Noble. They have been known to order a bunch of books and then, after a long time, return them, which can bankrupt a starting author because you have to pay for the printing and shipping costs
This, I did not know. Seems like they are trying to milk money out of the small time writer. My partner and I need to ensure that they cannot legally do that.
The best way to market your books is to attend events that attract sci-fi readers and rent a table space. I spent several years on the road before Covid hysteria settled us in NC. Although I didn’t make much money, we certainly ate well and stayed in top shelf hotels, plus made a lifetime of new friends.
That is exactly my plan. I intend to purchase a table at DragonCon in Atlanta in 2026. I missed 2025's due dates. DragonCon seems to be the closest in genre and concept to my writing.
So, THANK YOU for all that information! I'm also just about to release my author's website, which will help with exposure.
Thanks, Jeff. In order to qualify to compete for the BookBub featured list ... which can attract thousands of hits... this is my plan for later this year! Appreciate your ideas....😊
Are you sure? I don't even go into my head without adult supervision. 😊
If you do decide to use Ingram in the future, you can use their resources to sell your books also. My author’s site is made up from their links and works well. I’m not certain if it is permissible to provide the URL to mine, but I definitely want the link to your website when it is up.
Sent you a Freepmail 😊
You WILL demise . . . . . won't you ?
Thank you, sir!
As far as dying? I plan to live forever.
So far, so good.
BTTT
Bump to the top... not much attention given to this piece...
Bump to the top... not much attention given to this piece...
Can I try it out once before purchasing? Like perhaps a round trip into a bank vault in New York?
If you read my novel, you'll see what the answer to that is. 😊
Where can I get your novel, Laz?
Romans 10:13
Right here.
Perhaps THAT is how I will live forever.
At the feet of Jesus.
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