Posted on 11/29/2024 4:14:29 PM PST by Navy Patriot
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Eager to join in on low Black Friday prices, excited lobbyists were seen lining up outside the U.S. Capitol to get early bird deals on all congressmen.
In order to create buzz and draw in more potential customers, Congress announced special Black Friday prices on all its members, causing crowds of lobbyists to arrive early to score killer deals on their favorite items.
"You have to bribe early to get the best prices," said Fred Drummond, a lobbyist for several large pharmaceutical companies. "Last year, we were able to land a dozen representatives and four senators on great deals. Ever since Congress started running these Black Friday specials, our lobbying dollars have gone a lot further. Never before have we been able to influence so much legislation in our favor. If you're looking to buy off some lawmakers, you can't beat Black Friday."
Other lobbyists agreed that the day after Thanksgiving has become the best day to put a few congressmen in your pocket. "In this economy, you have to shop around for the best deals," said Lawrence Perkins, a lobbyist for prominent tobacco corporations. "We all want to buy some influence, but it's always great to get it done without breaking the bank. Thankfully, Black Friday provides a great chance to score some sweet deals on bribes."
At publishing time, a number of lobbyists revealed they had been contacted by Hunter Biden to take advantage of his huge "going out of business" sale.
(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...
Business as usual.
No no no Congre$$ is on the up and up ... riiiiight
made my best bid but the best I could do was 1/100,000,000 of a potential house member. sux being poor.
UNIPARTY continues.
“made my best bid but the best I could do was 1/100,000,000 of a potential house member.”
You probably would have been okay before they started getting kickbacks from the Ukrainians. That inflated the cost of bribery significantly.
Blue light specials today on: congressional aides; big city DA’s & mayors
(Congressmen are getting too hard to buy these days since they’re making so much bank on insider trading)
I don’t see the humor is this because it’s all true.
The Bee often reports Hard News thinking that it is Ridiculing government scumbags.
A little too on the nose to be up to The Bee’s normal standards.
This should be a Commercial on TV and it should be played hourly on every channel...
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