Kamala To Announce Policy Positions Just As Soon As Polls Tell Her What They Are

The Bee ^ | August 12, 2024 | Staff

[Navy Patriot]

U.S. — With citizens wondering what Vice President Kamala Harris would do differently than her current administration, Harris announced that she would release her policy positions just as soon as the polls told her what they were.

"I have a detailed vision and plan to lead America into the future, and I will tell you what it is whenever the pollsters tell me what it is," said Harris. "What I can tell you so far is that I support not taxing tips for waiters, as I already saw how Trump was polling with that."

According to sources, the campaign has asked if the media and everyone on the planet could kindly disregard everything Kamala has previously said in her life and await the new policy platform. "Nothing that Kamala has done or claimed to believe in the past should be taken as any indication of what she actually will do or what she actually believes," explained campaign aide Sheila Marks. "We would appreciate it if everyone would pretend like the last two decades of her life did not exist, and just patiently wait for the polls to come rolling in so we can tell you what she believes today."

At publishing time, Harris had unfortunately received conflicting polling data from various states and declared that her policy towards Israel was "nuking Gaza until every terrorist has met Allah" and also "pushing those dirty colonizing Jews into the sea."

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TOPICS: Education; History
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[Navy Patriot]

"Heels Up" Harris is very flexible, keeping both fingers in the wind AND her Heels Up at the same time!

[McGavin999]

They are furiously copying their policies from Trumps website.

[Sirius Lee]

everyone on the planet could kindly disregard everything Kamala has previously said in her life

See? She's unburdened by what was a burden, because burden's are burdensome, and so the past sometimes has burdens, and she's unburdened by what has been a burden.

[Sirius Lee]

ignore that extra ‘

[maro]

Her new slogan: “Make Amerikkka Gr8 again.”

[Campion]

Kamala actually has lots of positions and policies. All of them are straight-up Bolshevism, and Americans won't knowingly vote for those, so she's playing her little shell game with promises she doesn't really mean, like the carnival barker she is.

[faithhopecharity]

her Policy Positions have little or nothing to do with what the American people want

she takes her marching orders from the same DNC Puppetmeisters that ran Obama (or whatever his real name might be) and Biden

[Organic Panic]

Just like Obama...

“I don’t know that I did that until I saw it on CNN.”