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Experiment #321

Set-up

[On The Satellite of Love]

Crow T. Robot: Okay, now if you all look at your sheet music, we can rehearse my new song.

Joel Robinson: You wrote a Christmas song?

Crow T. Robot: Hey, there’s no tradition like a new tradition!

Tom Servo: Wait a minute, “(Let’s Have) A Patrick Swayze Christmas”?

Crow T. Robot: Uh, yeah, yeah. Based on my favorite movie, Road House.

Tom Servo: C’mon, what the heck does Patrick Swayze have to do with Christmas?

Crow T. Robot: Hey, you keep Christmas in your way and let me keep it in mine, okay?

Joel RObinson: C’mon, Servo. It seems like a nice enough sentiment. We can give it a shot. C’mon.

Crow T. Robot: All right, all right. Okay: 12/8 time, key of A-flat major... Cambot, shoot ‘em the tune. Okay, you’ll just have to stay with me, everybody, okay? You’re parts are written out. “(Let’s Have) A Patrick Swayze Christmas” by
Crow T. Robot.

Joel Robinson: “Paul, let’s have a Patrick Swayze Christmas”?

Crow T. Robot: Right. Hit it, Cambot!

[music starts]

Tom Servo: Oh. Oh, I start. I get it.
Lyrics

TOM
Open up your heart and let the
Patrick Swayze Christmas in

CROW
We’ll gather at the Road House
With our next of kin

JOEL
And Santa can be
Our regular Saturday Night thing

ALL
We’ll decorate a barstool
And gather ‘round and sing

TOM
Oh
Let’s have a Patrick Swayze
Christmas this year!

CROW
Or we’ll tear your throat out
And kick you in the ear

Joel Robinson: Hold it, hold it a sec. Cambot, stop it.

[music stops]

Joel Robinson: Uh, Crow, I don’t know if I think this is an appropriate sentiment anymore for Christmas.

Crow T. Robot: Hey, what? Like a good action sequence don’t belong at Christmas?

Joel Robinson: Well, no, it’s just that I’ve never heard of an action sequence in a Christmas carol before.

Crow T. Robot: Well, then grab hold of your socks and read on, Joel Robinson!

Tom Servo: Okay, pick it up from measure 20, Cambot.

[music resumes]

Tom Servo: Lovely intro, though. Very tasteful.

Crow T. Robot: Thank you.

TOM
It’s my way or the highway
This Christmas at my bar

CROW
I’ll have to smash your kneecaps if
You bastards touch my car

JOEL
I got the word that Santa has been
Stealing from the till

ALL
I think that that right jolly old elf
Better make out his will
Oh
Let’s have a Patrick Swayze
Christmas one and all

And this can be the haziest...
This can be the laziest...
This can be the Swayziest
Christmas of them all!

TOM
La la la la la la
Ha ha!

Crow T. Robot: How long before it becomes a standard?
Joel Robinson: I think you’ve gotta come with me. C’mon!

[Joel drags Crow out]

Tom Servo: We’ll be right back. Save a leg for me! Heh-heh-heh-heh.