I finally quit smoking in 2007, after being addicted for 40 plus years. I tried to quit many times and finally quit cold turkey.
It sounds simple, but what I did was put a blank 30 day calendar up on my refrigerator and crossed off each day without smoking - trying to get to 30 days. Once I got to about 20 I was home free - ever had another cigarette.
I am very proud of myself. and yes, it took a lot of will power to quit. I still have occasional nightmares of smoking a cigarette and ruining everything, but misfit I just don’t identify as a smoker any more. .
I also drink too much and have tried to quit that too many times. I think the reason it’s harder than cigarettes is because I feel like I should be able to have a beer or two watching the game with friends, or a glass of wine with my wife at dinner. So it’s not as cut and dry - I don’t want to quit completely, I just want to quit drinking excessively. But one drink turns into two, then three….
So, I do have some experience with addiction, and for me it’s all about will power and lack thereof.
The reason you can't achieve what you want is that you have not understood your disease correctly. You are an addict. Your body craves this particular substance excessively, so that you feel compelled to continue. You will not be able to have a few and stop. You need to accept that your only path to recovery is recognizing your illness for what it is, and stop fantasizing that you can still drink.
Your body is addicted; but your mind does not have to stay that way. It's up to you.
AA is a great program. Rehab only breaks the addiction temporarily. AA helps you to learn about the illness and how to start the road to recovery, one day at a time.