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Back somewhere around 2000 I went to a convention in Baltimore. I had spent some years growing up in Virginia and Maryland, so I was a little familiar with the area, and when we went out as a big group to a crab house, I think the folks from the midwest who watched me eat the crabs were a bit horrified. I was piling up the empty carapaces of steamed blue crabs, smashing them like Gallagher, and I am certain they thought I was some kind of barbarian.

But I was just eating blue crabs as we did growing up...my dad would take us out in a boat, we would bring back a couple of of bushels of them which we caught on pilings in the Chesapeake. My mom would throw them into a giant pot with a bit of water in the bottom, one at a time using tongs, and the aggressive crabs would frantically snap repeatedly and sharply at the metal tongs as she threw them in.

After she had three or four in, she would grab the Old Bay Seasoning, and completly cover them with it. Not sprinkling, she used the pour opening and let it fly.

For some reason, the Old Bay seasoning seemed to calm the crabs down, or maybe it was just that they settled in because they didn’t have giant tongs swinging them around by one of their claws. In any case, they seemed to scuttle around in the pot until she poured that spice on top of them, then they just stopped,

Then she would throw another three or four crabs in, and repeat the process until that giant aluminum pot was full.

Once, one of the crabs broke free as she was transferring it. The sharp spike sticking out of the side of the carapace landed right on her great toe and pierced it, where she ended up with a badly infected toe. That was in the future. As soon as the crab got its bearing, it began to scuttle quickly, sideways, along the wall, pincers held menacingly at the ready on each side, arched and ready for battle. The dog was barking, chasing it along, we were all screaming and running about.

It was complete pandemonium.

Finally, my mother realized she better stop the crazy before a Veterinarian bill rose up out of the chaos, or a trip to the Bethesda Naval Hospital for one of us.

She waded in with the tongs, the ever-present cigarette butt sporting a long ash hanging from the corner of her mouth as it always did in those days, grabbed the crab and deposited in the pot. No sweat. But I remember how terrible her toe ended up looking.

When the crabs were done, she covered the dining room table with paper from the Washington Post, and just brought out a huge platter of crabs and began steaming the second pot. It was a great way to feed a family of eight back then, and we all loved them.

And we ate them like Cannibal Savages.

So, the people from Iowa or Wisconsin watching me that day no doubt viewed me in that light.

The part of that trip to Baltimore that depresses me a bit to this day, was an experience I had going back to the hotel from the conference.

I really liked the Skywalk that went from our hotel to the Conference Center. In the morning, it was bustling with people, the shops were open, and it was a grand time, no crosswalks to deal with. I thought it was great.

But one day, I stayed until the very end, and when I went back to the hotel using the Skywalk, it was nearly deserted. There were no people around. All the bustling stores were dark, and had iron bars across their windows and doors.

I hadn’t noticed at first, but when I realized it, I felt extremely unsafe. I opened a door to walk out on a section of walk across the street, and there were three teenagers loitering right in the middle of the walk to the other side. When I opened the door, they all stopped in mid-action and looked over at me.

I turned around, went back inside and down the stairs to get out on the street with all the people who knew from experience not to use the walkway after 5 PM. I didn’t know that, but the first time I went out there, it was pretty clear to me too.

Never been back down there since then, but I suspect walking out there as I had would be a sign of insanity today.

Sad. A city just as lost as Chicago.