It sounds like you’ve been there. I am sorry. I know what you are talking about.
Not with my own children. They’ve been wonderful. They are all successful. I used a parenting style that formulated a healthy sense of self and taught individual responsibility with consequences, both good and bad, from an early age.
When I tried to help my 15 year old stepson straighten out his life, my ex got in my face and defended him. She left me over that, and he committed suicide a few years later. It was 100% her unhealthy parenting. It was like she was married to her son, not me.
I’ve been through it with friends and clients. It’s rough and tears the heart apart.
Addiction is caused by a person not owning their own power or will and having a dependency or co-dependency relationship. They use the substance as a crutch and give it power as they are unable to hold their own power.
If a child develops a healthy self identity, their morals and values belong to them as part of their individual identity and go with them everywhere. If they are imposed upon them by me, they only apply when they are with me.
I don’t like working with addicts as I don’t want control over them. They tend to cling.