I think we’re in the same boat nearly.
I’ve got several relatives under the age of 25 with diagnosed gender dysmorphias, but they’re all asexual and agender.
So they’re not gay, not straight, not bi, and not “out and proud” flag wearing trans.
You know what else they all have in common? Autistic spectrum disorders, and introverted personalities.
The oldest is biologically female, has high functioning autism and isn’t even consciously aware of her sex beyond the fact she’s got boobs and lady parts downstairs.
All of society’s expectations on what she as a 25 year old female “ought to be” fly completely over her head.
Sensory overload: she thinks overdone makeup makes women look like clowns and it feels icky to her, she thinks anything from an aerosol can stinks like stale alcohol (the propellant smells strongest to her) so she retches if you spray it near her, she doesn’t get the point of perfume because that stuff just stinks.
She is totally familiar with all aspects of physical reproduction and has no filter so she could talk for hours about literally every part of the make/female anatomy but to her it’s abstract science.
She has never had a crush, has no romantic interests, and if a guy tried to chat her up she’d be oblivious to it.
So...
She wears men’s trousers and jumpers. Why? Not to be a man. Because the pockets are more practical, men’s clothing is generally cheaper, and she gets far less pestering from total strangers if she’s travelling incognito than if she was strutting around in a figure hugging top and a short skirt.
I pity the fool who suggests to her that she’s got some kind of disability. She thinks that the ability to just ignore useless crap is a superpower!
And she thinks stonewall is a mad cult.
She’s not trans.
She’s asexual.
But I can see how people would arrive at that conclusion. Bless you for looking deeper and seeing how her condition is playing out in her everyday life.
Trans is very specific; you are not comfortable with your birth sex. You believe you were born in the wrong body.
Overwhelmingly, people who are trans have an endocrine disorder. People don’t understand (or don’t want to understand) how that can impact a person.
Those who don’t may have a mental illness or need therapy.
My youngest son has Asbergers; he wasn’t even remotely interested in a romantic relationship until last year, when he met his girlfriend. He’s still uncomfortable when talking about it, but he’s getting into holding hands, hugging, etc. His girlfriend also has Asbergers, so they are taking everything nice and slow.
Suits her parents and my husband and I just fine.
Sounds a lot like Temple Grandin. If you have not read about her or read her books, I highly recommend it.