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Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train.
His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp.

"What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender."

"Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy."

"That little $hit, O'Conner," says Sean, "He couldn't do that to you, he must have had something in his hand."

"That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it."

"Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself, didn't you have something in your hand?"

"That I did," said Paddy. "Mrs. O'Conner's left breast, and a ting of beauty it was, but utterly useless in a fight."

Two Irish gentlemen walk into a pub. They both sit down at the counter and place their orders.
As they’re sipping their drinks one looks at the other and thinks that there is something familiar about him.

The guy says to the other, “Hey, do I know you from somewhere?”,
to which the other responds, “Well, I’m from Galway, where are you from?”

The first guy brightens up and says, “You don’t say! I’m from Galway as well! What school did you go to?”
The other responds, “I went to St. Paul’s Secondary.”,
to which the first replies, “My God! I went there as well!

What year did you graduate?” The second says, “I finished in 1977. You?”
The first becomes even more animated and says, “I did as well! I knew that I recognized you from somewhere!”

Anyways, they get to buying each other drinks and start reminiscing about school and all that when another guy walks into the pub. He says to the barkeep, “Hey, Liam, what’s new? I haven’t been around in a while.”

The barkeep responds, “Ah not a whole lot of anything, really. Except the O’Flaherty twins are drunk again.”