[fr_freak]

My Dad’s version of #3 was “slower than molasses in January.” He was not a Southerner.

A lot of Southern sayings have been adopted by the US military. Army drill sergeants loved saying "You move slower than molasses in winter!" or some variation.

[Verginius Rufus]

My father was in the US Marine Corps so maybe that’s where he picked up that saying.

[fidelis]

Army drill sergeants loved saying "You move slower than molasses in winter!" or some variation.

One of my Air Force Flight Chiefs had a variation of this when commenting on someone's (lack of) typing skills:

"You type slower than old people make love!"

[TexasGator]

“
A lot of Southern sayings have been adopted by the US military. Army drill sergeants loved saying “You move slower than molasses in winter!” or some variation.”

Southern? LOL!