And let's not fool ourselves: It probably wouldn't have come to this stage without the Internet.
I, too, have had problems - of varying degree - like the one you describe, so maybe I can offer you some helpful advice.
1. Again, I claim that the lack of face-to-face contact and the toxic effect of Facebook (and Co.) triggered and exacerbated your conflict. Nothing like this would have happened "in the olden days" before the Internet. There would, instead, have had to be a concrete issue (lending money, borrowing a vehicle, alcohol-fuelled altercations, sleeping with someone's wife, etc.) for it to have gotten to this point. Which makes it all the more frustrating, since it is essentially a break-up based on nothing real (i.e., upon mere differences of opinion - which are probably not even that dearly held my one or both parties).
In the "olden days," people looked for facial cues and other contextual clues before delivering a "killing blow" or generally "riding roughshod" over a friend. If an inappropriate comment or even insult "hit the mark" to a greater degree than intended, people would recognize the micro-changes in the other person's facial expressions, overall demeanor, etc. and respond with some non-verbal cue to indicate that it "wasn't meant in earnest," etc.
The loss of vocal cues has been especially devastating. Who can tell anymore whether a comment was said in jest, rhetorically, etc.?
2. Because these interactions take place via the Internet, there can often be a considerable time-lag also involved. So the offended party has hours to brood over the (imagined) insult before the other party has even registered that he had (unintentionally) said something hurtful. And since the comments are there in black-and-white, the offended party can go back and read and re-read the remarks and reinforce his sense of "hurt."
3. Now, some concrete advice: Cut your friend some slack due to the death of his wife and his emotional need to curry some favor with / indulge in some "posturing" in front of the Wiccan, send him a final message in which you "take the high road," explain that you certainly had no intention of hurting his feelings and wish to continue the friendship - but then put the relationship "on ice" for a few weeks/months (I'm NOT saying that you should ignore any peace offerings that he might make - just that you should not initiate any contact for a while and hold your communications with him to a polite minimum).
Hopefully, your friend will come back to his senses in a while (probably after the Wiccan dumps him).
Good luck!
Regards,
Very thoughtful response, alexander! You stated a lot of things that are spot on, especially the reading and re-reading of posts, texts, etc. I have a sister that does that and she is very difficult to get along with when she’s in one of her downward spirals.
Here’s something I learned last year after a particularly horrible time with my sister. We had vacationed together, but it turned out to be disastrous emotionally. As a result, I needed a real vacation. So as soon as we returned, Mr. FF and I investigated going to a somewhat remote spot. Turns out it was on a lazy river.
We went out to the dock. There was no one at all around us, even though other houses were nearby. It was so peaceful and so quiet. So quiet you could hear the leaves fall on the water and watch them drift away. That’s when we learned a lesson. You can watch your problems land in the river like a leaf does, and you can watch it get very far down the river, but at some point, you can’t see that leaf (or problem) anymore. That’s when it’s time to let it go.
I know it’s cliche, but it’s true. ***Today is a GIFT. That’s why it’s called the PRESENT.***
That river helped me get over the issues with my sister. I was able to eventually forgive her. She is older than me, and her health is declining, so now I try to make our conversations positive. Life is short.
Be blessed!