I met a magical fairy yesterday who said she would grant me one wish.
"I wish to live forever," I said.
"Sorry," said the fairy, "that is the only wish that I'm not allowed to grant."
"Fine," I said. "Then I want to die the day after Congress is filled with honest, hard-working, bipartisan men and women who act only in the people's best interests!"
"You're a crafty little bastard," replied the fairy.
These definitely made me smile. I needed that. Thanks!
I was TDY at a German anti-aircraft range, in Northern Germany overlooking the Baltic. I was the XO of a 40 man detachment to support American units during the week long live fire exercises.
When we arrived, I sat down with my NCOs, and we all decided that if we did our jobs right, we'd only have to work four days a week.
A few miles off base, there was a small town that came to life every summer. The women fell in love with my soldiers, who returned the affection...lol.
I was usually the acting CO, as my boss spent most of that summer dealing with marital issues 400 miles south.
So there WASN’T a problem with my gas and brake pedals after all!
Oops 😬😬😬
A friend reported her husband was having issues with his sweatpants. She found he was trying to put his legs into his sweatshirt. It was dark.
I guess I’ll stop wearing boxers when I turn 70. Although, that could create other issues. ;)
Chatting with two of my old friends.
I lamented about how hard it was for me to empty my bladder first thing in the morning after it had been full for hours.
One of my friends expressed how he longed to empty his bowels again without having to push so hard.
My other friend said how he emptied his bladder fully every day at 6:00AM and his bowels would empty with ease a few minutes later. I said: “That’s wonderful Gary!” He said: “Aye. Would be wonderful if I got up before 7:00AM.”
I'll help you get your coat.
If you live long enough, you get wise enough to see things are just a mess down here and won't get any better.
Good God...I’ve been doing that since I was 30!