For weeks, even with my eyes wide open, I could hear that sound in my head and in front of my seeing eyes, see his body and his bike pirouetting in unision as if I were back in the car.
It was like a video clip, playing in ultra high definition, full vivid color, and super slow motion. I could see his bare legs and biking shorts, his biking shoes with the toe clips, his open mouth, a black empty hole wide open.
If I wasn't actively engaged in doing some...thing...it would play, unbidden and unwanted, with absolutely no loss of fidelity.
After a few months of this, it happened less frequently, then finally, after about six months, it stopped altogether, so when I consciously think of it, I can still kind of see it, but the colors and resolution have faded in my mind.
So I thought I was over it.
Then, sometime after that, I was relaxing, watching a series "Better Call Saul" which I had never seen, and just started watching it out of boredom. It was ate at night, dark. I was comfortable. And the main character hits a guy on a skateboard while he is driving slowly through a suburban neighborhood. The guy on a skateboard just appears out of nowhere and gets hit by the guy driving the car.
In that scene, the view is from inside the car looking through the windshield as I was in real life, and the sound...
When it happened in that on-screen scene, I was not expecting it, and my heart rate skyrocketed in a fraction of a second and began hammering. In a panic, yelling "F**K! F**K! F**K!" I fumbled frantically for the remote to shut the thing off, panting in terror.
OMG. Holy crap.
I was looking for a description of that scene, and saw that there was an actual clip of the scene posted on YouTube. I just watched it and it had the same, immediate effect on me, though not as strong because...I kind of expected it this time, but it made me audibly swear and I felt my heart begin to pound.
Here is the link: LINK: "Better Call Saul" skateboard scam scene
Holy crap. I guess I am not 100% over it. Oddly, I shut the television off so quickly and never watched that series again, that I thought it was a bicycle he hit, not a skateboard.
The visual was bad for me, but the sound...good God. My heart still feels a bit funny. And that was nearly three years ago.
When I explained this to someone, they told me that was clear PTSD, and I will say, I always believed in the terrible effect that had on men who had been in combat, but until I felt it, I had no idea how visceral that was. And I was astonished it still could have that effect on me.
So, yes. That poor man. He may never get over that.
About 50 years ago, a woman ran a stop sign and broadsided our car where I was a young passenger (only a few minor injuries all around, thank God).
To this day, every time someone pulls up to a stop sign on a cross street to my right, I still have a mini-heart attack.
Wow. Thanks for sharing all that.