What kind of exercise do lazy people do? Diddly-squats.
What do you call a pony with a cough? A little horse!
What is Forrest Gump’s password? 1Forrest1.
Why did the M&M go to school? He wanted to be a Smartie.
What did one traffic light say to the other? Stop looking at me, I’m changing!
What do you call bears with no ears? B.
What’s a foot long and slippery? A slipper!
Why do French people eat snails? They don’t like fast food!
What’s red and moves up and down? A tomato in an elevator!
I invented a new word today: Plagiarism.
What is sticky and brown? A stick!
How does a rabbi make coffee? Hebrews it!
Rest in peace boiling water. You will be mist!
How do you throw a space party? You planet!
Want to hear a construction joke? Oh never mind, I’m still working on that one.
Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
I hate Russian dolls… they’re so full of themselves!
Talk is cheap? Have you ever talked to a lawyer?
Why did the gym close down? It just didn’t work out!
Two artists had an art contest. It ended in a draw!
A plateau is the highest form of flattery.
I have a fear of speed bumps. But I am slowly getting over it.
You can only get spoiled milk from a pampered cow.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? A stick!
You know what I saw today? Everything I looked at.
What noise annoys a noisy oyster most? A noisy noise annoys a noisy oyster most.