Good night. Please get the help you need. I’ll pray for you.
Keep on projecting. I’m not sure what you are praying to, but God isn’t pleased with defeatism and cowardice.
You need to be more like Caleb and Joshua and less like the cowardly scouts:
“But the other men who had explored the land with him disagreed. “We can’t go up against them! They are stronger than we are!” So they spread this bad report about the land among the Israelites: “The land we traveled through and explored will devour anyone who goes to live there. All the people we saw were huge. We even saw giants[b] there, the descendants of Anak. Next to them we felt like grasshoppers, and that’s what they thought, too!””
Instead of surrender, “But you, take courage! Do not let your hands be weak, for your work shall be rewarded.”
But you don’t know much about that, do you?
:-)