Wanted: grizzly bear conflict manager – grappling with bears not required-Successful applicant will patrol Montana wilderness to reduce friction with humans, rather than referee grizzly v grizzly sparring

Guardian ^

[Harmless Teddy Bear]

Our neighbors raise buffalo.

They do their best but about four years ago the herd decided to roam.

The most damage they did was to the fence and to the guy who was driving by, saw buffalo standing in the (thankfully not yet planted) corn field and ran into a ditch.

Since then they have stayed home.

No one is sure why they decided to go for a walk but we know that should they ever decide to go for another walk you just stay out of their way and give the neighbor a call.

[Unrepentant VN Vet]

..within 100 miles of Missoula, Bozeman or Kalispell in Montana, though the advert makes clear the successful applicant will not be spending much time in the “adequately lighted, heated and ventilated office” pondering the hefty delights of grizzly bears.

Okay, I'm in Montana.

I'm also closely associated with (we lease land) cattle operations.

Which means I'm INTIMATELY associated with both grizzly (and occasionally black) bears and the various gummint entities who've been appointed over us over the years for fun and games like this.

Short and simple, this additional GS-whateverthehell is going to be no more or less than just another overpaid gummint PITA. The only "field trips" involved will be major media photo ops (all dressed up in the latest outdoors fashions) to show off noble high intentions in the face of a bunch of ignorant redneck throwbacks who hate bears and will kill at any opportunity, plus side trips to favorite Federal District Courts to rubber stamp every whim to punish and banish said rednecks.

Some (Veto!, here's your turn) have said "Let them run free".

Okay.

You like 'em so much, how about we rednecks round up a griz or two and ship 'em to you? Talk real nice and we may even throw in a few Bison, wolves, coyotes and maybe even a bunch of prairie dogs. (Probably should add a few rattlesnakes to keep the 'dogs from overrunning your yard, though.)

That much environmental ethos is guaranteed to impress the neighbors.

Meantime, I guess we'll just have to cut down on herd sizes to conform with all those lawsuits and gummint decrees.

Sure hope you don't really like beef. We'll likely keep what we raise and let you eat tofu.

[Veto!]

Alright, already. I eat beef once, maybe twice a week. And my cat eats turkey
in gravy cat cans, I’d love to have a grizzly or two, but my apartment complex says “only one pet.” DaisyJane the Kitten would not approve.

[jdsteel]

I’m sure the grizzlies will practice social distancing, so that might be OK.

[jmacusa]

LOL!!

[jmacusa]

Indeed!! And double the salary.

[21twelve]

Yep - sounds like an okay job. Other than having to deal with idiot tourists and upset ranchers. I’d put in my contract that along with being armed, I get paid $2,000 every time I have to visit a ranch where their animals had just been eaten by a Griz.

Although I guess if my next job was to track/trap the Griz and move it out into the wilderness the ranchers may not object to me TOO much. Except for wearing a uniform with a Federal badge on it.

[Unrepentant VN Vet]

I’d love to have a grizzly or two, but my apartment complex says “only one pet.” DaisyJane the Kitten would not approve.

I'd recommend that none of the critters I mentioned be let anywhere near your apartment complex....and especially your kitten.

Coyotes have been known to feast on peoples' pets even in urban areas.

The griz? They eat anything they want.

[marktwain]

There will be numerous applicants.

A dream job for many. Most of the headaches will be those involving personnel.

As bears hibernate four months of the year, those months will be used to plan propaganda efforts for the next year, do budgets, ect.

Most of the efforts will deal with humans, because bears do not listen to bureaucrats very well...