Friday Silliness ping
I’ve finally found the perfect girl
I could not ask for more
She’s deaf and dumb and oversexed
And owns a liquor store!
We did do the nose and the hat but she’s a witch.
I thought that the Supreme Court oral arguments thread was the official silliness thread for today.
A couple came in - the only masked people in the entire restaurant. They sat there at their table, masked and looking unhappy, not like they were enjoying themselves at all. When their appetizer came, the unmasked, gobbled it down, and re-masked. When their food came, they unmasked, ate a few bites, re-masked for a minute or two... lather, rinse, repeat. No dessert. As soon as they were done they re-masked.
They were very entertaining to watch - like rabbits furtively eating while warily watching out for predators. They never seemed to be enjoying themselves or talking, just glancing around nervously. I couldn't look away - I kept checking on them. I thought, if you're that scared to be out, why are you out? Just plain silly.
I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering. Steven Wright
If a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it a success? Jerry Seinfeld
I like Kit-Kat, unless I’m with four or more people. Mitch Hedberg
I live on a one-way street that’s also a dead end. I’m not sure how I got there. Steven Wright
Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile. Billy Sunday
Never trust people who smile constantly. They’re either selling something or not very bright. Laurell K. Hamilton
I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it. Mark Twain
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on. Winston S. Churchill
When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye. Cathy Guisewite
Everything is changing. People are taking the comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke. Will Rogers
It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has good taste.
I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn’t a professional, the knife had butter on it. Rodney Dangerfield
That’s why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it. George Carlin
If you’re too open-minded; your brains will fall out. Lawrence Ferlinghetti
A pessimist is a man who thinks everybody is as nasty as himself, and hates them for it. George Bernard Shaw
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. Fred Allen
If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments. Steven Wright
The four most beautiful words in our common language: I told you so. Gore Vidal
My esteem in this country has gone up substantially. It is very nice now that when people wave at me, they use all their fingers. Jimmy Carter (US president 1977 to 1981)
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not. Mark Twain