:)
story continues...
“Do you have a picture of your son?”
“My, what a fine looking young man. Make sure and bring him to church with you....”
;-)
ROTFLMBO
So the Scottish Priest always had to play golf on the crowded Saturday. After many years he called in sick so he could play on Sunday - while everyone else was in church!
So he’s out on the course, all by himself. Feeling a bit guilty at skipping church - but his dream has come true - just him out on the course.
At hole #1 he hits a hole in one!! Unbelievable!!
Of course St. Peter is looking down, and complains to God that this is not right.
At hole #2 the Priest hits ANOTHER hole in one. St. Peter is beside himself and complaining to God.
The hole-in-ones continue. St. Peter ramps up his objections to God. Finally, after the sixth hole in one, and St. Peter objecting, God replies “Yes he’s had six ‘hole in ones’.”
.
.
.
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But who is he going to tell?
Call me a bastard without calling me a bastard...
Paddy and his long-time golf partners, Finneas and two others, are playing their weekly round of golf. As he is about to putt on the 4th green, a funeral procession enters the cemetery across the road from the fairway. Instead of putting, Paddy turns toward the people gathered at the cemetery, bows his head, says a prayer, and then asks for a moment of silence.
As they are walking to the next tee, Finneas says to Paddy, “that was awful nice of you to take time out to show your respects for the newly departed. Did you know the person?”
Without losing a step, Paddy says, “Yup, I was married to her for 42 years.”
Man joins a Monastery to be a Monk, a very disciplined Monastery where Monks can only speak 2 words every 10 years.
After the first 10 years go by, the Monk speaks his 2 words to the head of the Monastery....”Bed Hard” ..
He goes back into seclusion and another 10 years go by.....he now goes before the Head Monk to again speak the 2 words allotted to him......and he says....”Food Cold”.....
Back into seclusion and 10 years later he emerges to again speak his permitted 2 words, .and he says to the Head Monk......”I quit”.....
To which the Head of the Monastery replies....”Well, I can’t say I’m surprised, you done nothing but whine and complain since the day you got here.” ........
The sign that hangs in the Parking Lot of the Sisters of Mercy Convent:
“Parking for Sisters of Mercy Convent only. Violators will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.”
I was buzzing through the depressing ‘Breaking” list and saw your headline so I peeked in, just for a second.
THANKS!
You and the commenters put a much need smile on this old mug.
8^)
Jesus and Moses are playing a round of golf...They come up to a par 3 hole with a huge pond between the green and tee...
Jesus pulls out an 8 iron and Moses says “Don’t you think the 7 iron would be better?”
Jesus replies “I saw Arnold Palmer hit an 8iron tight on this hole...If Palmer can do it, I can...”
He promptly hits his tee shot into the pond...
Moses parts the waters and retrieves the ball...”Now use the 7 iron...” he says..
Jesus once again says “If Arnold Palmer can hit the green with the 8 iron, so can I...”
He hits his 2nd tee shot into the water...
As Jesus walks across the pond to get his ball, the group behind them strolls up to the tee...
One guy exclaims “Who does that guy think he is??? Jesus Christ???”
Moses turns and says “Nah...He KNOWS he’s Jesus Christ...He THINKS he’s Arnold Palmer!!!”
The rabbi responds, "Yes, that is still one of our beliefs."
The priest then asks, "Have you ever eaten pork?" To which the rabbi replies, "Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and tasted a ham sandwich."
The priest nodded in understandiing and went on with his reading. A while later, the rabbi spoke up and asked the priest, "Father, is it still a requirement of your Church that you remain celibate?"
The priest replied, "Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith."
The rabbi then asked him, "Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?"
The priest replied, "Yes rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke with my faith.
The rabbi nodded understandingly. He was silent for a little while..
Finally the rabbi says, "Beats a ham sandwich, doesn't it?"