From the day a kid is born the parents have one job to do. Make the kid a little more independent each and every day.
It was on a Monday, the day before my oldest turned 18. Her best friend is a girl names Jessica.
She asked if she could go to the mall with Jess on Wednesday.
I asked how old she’d be on Wednesday. She said 18.
I said “Everything changes from can I go to I’m going to the mall with Jess.”
Her eyes lit with realization.
All four of mine moved out and independent by the time they were 20. 18 in one case.
They have decent jobs, and while we’re always on board to help, they don’t ask.
I fully agree. Both my children are grown and live out of state. They've been out of our home since they were in their early 20s. That enabled us to sell our large home and move to a condo, so they now have no choice! But I'm happy for them. Feels good to see your children making it on their own.
When my son was 13 I took him out for his birthday dinner and explained he was now entering adulthood and would be treated that way. (I’m his Mom, who was divorced from his Dad when he was 6). He has turned out very well...course he had extra challenges, living with his Dad during his teen years, but it taught him what he did NOT want as his dad and I lived nearly polar opposite lives.
In spring of my daughter’s senior year, we were at a barbecue with a bunch of families. I overheard a friend of hers telling others how she was going to set her mom straight. “I’m 18 and I can do what I want. She can’t tell me what to do.” type stuff.
I went over and told her, “If my daughter said that to me, I would agree with her. Then I’d say you’re legally an adult. You can stay home and pay rent, half the utilities, cell phone, food, etc. and follow the rules. Or you can get your clothes and move out.”
The look on the girl’s face was priceless. It hadn’t dawned on her that parents have options, too.