Your momma is so fat that the Equator goes around her.
Your momma is so stupid that a team of proctologists with a searchlight couldn’t find her brain.
Your momma is so fat that an elephant tried to mate with her, and couldn’t
Your momma is so fat that when she tried to dance the “Bunny Hop”, she went through the floor
Your momma is so fat that she’s been banned from every “All You Can Eat” buffets in the state
Your momma is so dumb that she couldn’t remember the names of all her kids so she gave them a new Chinese name, “Hey You”.
Your momma is so drunk that she thinks Chuck Schumer looks like Rock Hudson.
Your momma is so drunk that she thinks Stacy Abrams is her “sister by another mother”.
Your momma is so dumb that she thinks an “asteroid” is a medical condition.
Your momma is so dumb that she things “Hillary Clinton” is part of the female anatomy.
Yo mama’s so fat, when she dances the band skips.
Yo mama’s so fat, her nickname is DAAAAAAAAMN!!
Yo mama’s so fat, when she goes to the movies she sits next to everybody.
Yo mama’s so old, Jesus owes her money.
Now that I’m older, here’s what I’ve discovered:
1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
2. My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran.
3. I finally got my head together; now my body is falling apart.
4. Funny, I don’t remember being absent minded...
5. All reports are in; Life is now officially unfair.
6. If all is not lost, where is it?
7. It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
8. Some days you’re the dog; some days you’re the hydrant.
9. I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few...
10. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
11. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.
12. It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.
13. Only time the world beats a path to your door is when you’re in the bathroom.
God grant me the Senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones that I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.