The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, a Claddaghduff,
Ireland man answered his door to find two grim-faced Constables. We’re sorry,
Mr. O’Flynn, but we have some information about your dear wife Maureen. said
one of the officers.
Tell me! Did you find her? Michael Patrick O’Flynn asked.
The constables said, We have some bad news, some good news,
and some really great news. Which would you like to hear first?
Fearing the worst, Mr. O’Flynn said, Give me the bad news first.
One constable said, I’m sorry to tell you sir, this morning we found
your poor wife’s body in the bay.
Swallowing hard, he asked, What could possibly be the good news?
The constable continued, When we pulled the late, departed Maureen up,
she had 12 of the best-looking Atlantic lobsters that you have ever seen
clinging to her. Haven’t seen lobsters like that since the 1960’s,
and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch.
Mr. O’Flynn demanded, if that’s the good news, then what’s the really great news?
The constable replied, We’re gonna pull her up again tomorrow.
If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they’d eventually
find me attractive.
I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom, until
they’re flashing behind you.
Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local
swimming pool, so I gave him a glass of water.
I changed my password to “incorrect” so whenever I forget it the computer will
say, Your password is incorrect.
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
I’m great at multi tasking I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate
all at once.
If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
Doesn’t expecting the unexpected mean that the unexpected is actually expected?
Take my advice I’m not using it.
I hate it when people use big words like perspicacious.
The phone rings at the front desk of a swanky high rise hotel.
The desk manager (DM) sees that the call is from a guest (G) on the 15th floor.
DM: Front desk, may I help you?
G: My wife and I are have a terrible fight. She is so upset that she is threatening
to jump out the window.
DM: Well, I’m very sorry that your are not enjoying your stay at our hotel,
but I don’t really see what we can do. This seems to be a personal issue.
G: You would think but you see, the window won’t open, and that’s a hotel maintenance issue.