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Nineteen Newfoundlanders go to the cinema. The ticket lady asks
Why so many of you? Buddy replies, The film said 18 or over.

My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop
and they were $70. Forget it, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.

I was at an A.T.M. yesterday. A little old lady asked if I could check her balance,
so I pushed her over.

Statistically, six out of seven dwarfs are not Happy.

My neighbor knocked on my door at 2:30 a m. Can you believe that! 2:30 a m
Luckily for him I was still up playing my bagpipes.

Guy goes into a taxidermy shop with two dead rabbits.
Do you want them mounted? the taxidermist asked. No just holding hands.

The wife was counting all the nickels and dimes out on the kitchen table when
she suddenly got very angry and started shouting and crying for no reason.
I thought to myself, “She’s going through the change.”

My girlfriend thinks that I’m a stalker. Well, she’s not exactly my girlfriend yet.

An East Indian fellow has moved in next door. He has traveled the world,
has swum with sharks, has wrestled bears and has climbed the highest mountain.
It came as no surprise for me to learn his name was Bindair Dundat

Little girl comes down a country path pulling a great big bull.
A farmer coming the other way says, What are you doing? I’m taking this bull
down to the cows so he can mate with them. Well, can’t your father do that?
No . . . it’s gotta’ be a bull.

Guy sitting at a bar tells his buddy that he got a job as a diesel fitter
in a pantyhose factory. What’s that? Well, I take the pantyhose off the machine,
hold them up, and say, Hey, Diesel Fitter.