Honest Golfer

email from friend | 11/13/2020 | unknown

[laweeks]

Is this like the golfer who sliced one into a neighboring field, looked for his ball, and saw a cow with a ball in its butt. Lifting up the cow’s tail, he saw it wasn’t his ball, but a lady golfer came near him looking for her ball, and he picked up the cow’s tail, pointed at the ball, and said, “Hey, Lady. Does this look like yours?” She whacked him in the throat with a five iron.

[Old Student]

That is like the Rabbi who goes golfing alone and hits a hole in one. On Saturday.

I heard it as a Baptist minister on Sunday, but in any case: Who can he tell?

[USS Alaska]

“Yes, and my idiot husband is playing golf!”

You win.

[dirtymac]

John was retired and to be honest he was always grumpy. Grumpy that is until he getting ready to play golf, playing golf, or just after playing golf. His golf buddy was Fred.

One Saturday morning John was hanging around the house annoying his wife. she finally says,’ John! just call Fred and go play golf’ which John eagerly complied.

John comes in the house about 10 hours later and very grumpy. His wife asks him why are you grumpy? didn’t you play golf with Fred? John replied that yes they had played golf but Fred dropped dead on the sixth tee.

John’s wife say my goodness no wonder you are grumpy.

Yes John said, for the rest of the day it was hit the ball and drag Fred, hit the ball and drag Fred.

[Be Free]

David is golfing in his regular foursome on a crisp Saturday morning in October. David has honors on the 6th hole and is about to tee off when he notices a funeral procession passing on the adjacent road. He stops his pre-shot routine, removes his cap, and lowers his head until the procession has passed. He then steps up and hits a towering drive down the middle. His buddies never saw this side of David, and ask him why the apparent sudden reverence. David replied: “Well, after being married to her for 40 years, I thought it was the least I could do.”

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The head-pro is manning the merchandise counter at Bushwood Country Club when Mrs. Schmails comes ripping up the first fairway in her cart, screeches to a stop at the main door, and runs inside. She’s very upset, and screams at the pro: “I’ve just been stung by a bee!! Get me some ice and some Benedryl!!”. The pro quickly gets some ice, the Benedryl, and starts to calm her down. “Mrs. Schmails”, the pro says, “where did the bee sting you?”. Mrs. Schmails replied: “Between the first and second holes!”. The pro replied: “Now, Mrs. Schmails, what have I told you about having too wide a stance?”