I’m so sorry you and your family are going through this.
I don’t know if it would help, but when I was your daughter’s age I was very much the same although I am now 58. I hope my story may give your daughter food for thought. I’ve never really shared this before, but feel compelled by recent events where very young people are being railroaded into transitioning.
I have Asperger’s syndrome, and three older brothers and two younger brothers, which I think caused me to be very much more male in my tendencies as a teenager. I was constantly mistaken for a teenage boy, my face and build were quite masculine I guess, as were my tastes: I loved to roam the woods, play sports, target shoot. I hated wearing dresses and shopping. I wanted to be member of the Boy Scouts so I could learn more about camping and survival. It hurt when I they said no. A lot of situations were hurtful at the time to be honest. I was socially awkward and uncomfortable in groups, and was never really integrated with the other kids at school. I felt an outsider, rejected by the more “normal” kids.
So I have not a doubt that if I had had the misfortune to be born recently, a teacher or counselor would undoubtedly have told me about transitioning, and encouraged me to do so. I thank God every day that I never had that option, because, with pressure, I may have believed it to be a good option and might have done it. But I never had that option. Thank God.
I want to encourage your daughter to wait. There will always be time to transition down the road if she still feels the need. But youth is a time of change and constant adjustment, and if she just could hold off for a short 10 years or so, she may be surprised, as I was, to find her life and inner feelings smooth out into contentment, a natural fitting in, and then happiness.
I thank God every day that I suffered through that rejection and discomfort of the teenage years without changing who I am as an essential being. I am whole in my skin now, and have been for many years. All that it took was extra time and maturing through the turbulent painful teen years. I was born a woman, and remain a woman, and am happy and proud to have come this far. I am not a typical woman to be sure, but my differences make me special and unique, in many positive ways. Now I can say “I am beautiful”, just the way I am. The way God and nature made me. All it took was some extra time for me to reach a happy maturity.
Please, for those thinking of transitioning, please, please wait. Give your body and mind time to fully adjust into maturity before doing or taking anything. You may only need time to help you, not hormones or surgery.
Thank you for sharing your story! I appreciate how hard it can be to discuss and I really think it’s helpful for parents and kids to hear.
My daughter sounds quite similar to you—as do many of the other girls I’ve read about/met. No story starts out, “my daughter was confident, self assured and socially successful before she transitioned...”
I’m hopeful that my daughter will internalize what we her family who loves her tells her—she’s perfect the way God made her. We’re taking it one step at a time.