An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay
of execution. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and
he was feeling worn out and depressed.
As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about,
‘What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been? Dinner is
cold and I’m not reheating it’. And on and on and on.
Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he poured himself
a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by
the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs.
While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her
husband’s client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all.
Wright would not be hanged tonight.
Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go upstairs
and give him the good news.
As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband,
bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.
‘They’re not hanging Wright tonight,’ she said.
He whirled around and screamed, ‘FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN,
DON’T YOU EVER STOP?!’
Tom is applying for a job as a signalman for the local railroad and is told to
meet the inspector at the signal box.
The inspector decides to give Tom a pop quiz, asking: “What would you do if you
realised that two trains were heading towards each other on the same track?”
Tom says: “I would switch one train to another track”.
“What if the lever broke?” asks the inspector. “Then I’d run down to the tracks
and use the manual lever down there” answers Tom. “What if that had been struck
by lightning?” challenges the inspector.
“Then” Tom continued “I’d run back up here and use the phone to call the next signal box”.
“What if the phone was busy?” “In that case” Tom argued “I’d run to the street level
and use the public phone near the station”.
“What if that had been vandalised?” “Oh well” said Tom “In that case I would run into
town and get my Uncle Leo”.
This puzzled the inspector, so he asked “Why would you do that?”
“Because he’s never seen a train crash!”