OMG THANK YOU! I haven’t laughed that hard in ages!
There is something about talking birds that simply hits squarely on my funny bone.
Gary Larsen did great ones, and while I can't post them here out of respect for his wishes, I can describe them.
When I was a teenager, I knew a girl whose father was a crusty Navy Chief on the base, and they had a Myna bird that was...well, defective! It knew how to say two things, both of which it said constantly, and you could hear it when you walked by the house when they had the windows open. It would say "Son of a bitching Dog!", and would also try to say Merry Christmas...but for some reason, they could never get it to say the whole thing and just gave up. You would hear it say "Merrrrryyyyyyyy..." and that was it!
I went with my brother once to an apartment in a gritty section of a blue collar city to fix a woman's computer, and half of her living room was made into a big walk in cage, and had three parrots in it. She said to stay away from one parrot, a female who she said would bite you if it could get you close enough, but that bird didn't make any noise. However, while I was there, the other two kept up a nearly deafening cacophony of incredible replications of smoke detectors going off, car alarms going off, fire engine, ambulance, and police car sounds at full volume! When I remarked how amazing they replicated the car alarms in particular which were dead on, piercing, and loud, she sheepishly responded that, yeah...her neighbors complained constantly!
I went to a wedding for my boss's daughter, and they sat me at a table reserved for the misfit guests, the ones who didn't really know a lot of people, but knew someone. Since he was a physician who had gone to MIT for computer science before he went to medical school at Harvard, I had an MIT astrophysicist on one side of me, and Irene Pepperberg of Alex the Gray Parrot fame on the other side of me! It was a most interesting wedding. I asked Irene Pepperberg (who I enjoyed talking to) what it was like to live with a parrot for so long, and she said it was like having a willful and stubborn teenager for thirty years! She said when she was dating after her divorce (or maybe before she was married, I don't remember) that when she had a guy visit her at her house, the parrot became extremely jealous and protective!