THE BOTTLE OF WINE
For all of us who are married, were married, wish you were married,
or wish you weren’t married, this is something to smile about the next time
you see a bottle of wine:
Tom was driving home from a business trip in Northern Arizona when he saw an
elderly Navajo man walking on the side of the road.
As the trip was a long and quiet one, he stopped the car and asked the Navajo
man if he would like a ride.
With a silent nod of thanks, the man got into the car.
Resuming the journey, Tom tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo man.
The old man just sat silently, looking intently at everything he saw,
studying every little detail, until he noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Tom.
‘What in bag?’ asked the old man.
Tom looked down at the brown bag and said, ‘It’s bottle of wine. I got it for my wife.’
The Navajo man was silent for another moment or two.
Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, he said:
‘Good trade.....’
An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he called his grandson to his bed Grandson
I wanta you to listen to me. I wanta you to take mya 45 automatic pistol,
so you will always remember me. But grandpa I really don’t like guns,
how about you leaving me your Rolex watch instead.
You lisina to me, some day you goin a be runna da bussiness,
you goina have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a biga home and maybe a couple
of bambino, some day you goina come hom and maybe finda your wife
in bed with another man. Whata you gonna do then?
Point to you watch and say, “TIMES UP”?
Why seniors never change their passwords
WINDOWS: Please enter your new password.
USER: Cabbage
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.
USER: Boiled cabbage
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character.
USER: 1 boiled cabbage
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces
USER: 50damnboiledcabbages
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character
USER: 50DAMNboiledcabbages
WINDOWS: Sorry the password cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively.
USER: 50damnBoiledCabbages ShovedUpYourAssIfYouDon’tGiveMeAccessNow!
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation.
USER: ReallyPissedOff50DamnBoiledCabbages ShovedUpYourAssIfYouDontGiveMeAccessNow
WINDOWS: Sorry, that password is already in use
Farmer Jack once lived on a quiet rural highway, but as time went by,
the traffic slowly built up and eventually got so heavy and so fast that his
free range chickens were being run over, at a rate of three to six a week.
So Farmer Jack called the local police station to complain,
“You’ve got to do something about all these people driving so fast and
killing all my chickens,” he said to the local police officer.
“What do you want me to do?” asked the policeman.
I don’t care, just do something about those crazy drivers!”
So the next day the policeman had the council erect a sign that said: SCHOOL CROSSING
Three days later Farmer Jack called the policeman and said,
“You’ve still got to do something about these drivers.
The school crossing’ sign seems to make them go even faster!”
So again, they put up a new sign: SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY.
That really sped them up. So Farmer Jack called and said, “Your signs are no good.
Can I put up my own sign?”
In order to get Farmer Jack off his back the policeman said, “Sure.
Put up your own sign.”
“The phone calls to the Police Station stopped, but curiosity got the better
of the officer, so he called Farmer Jack,
“How is the problem with the speeding drivers, Did you put up your sign?”
“Oh, I sure did and not one chicken has been killed.”
The policeman was really curious and thought he’d better go out and take a
look at the sign. He also thought the sign may be something the police
could use elsewhere to slow drivers down.
So he drove out to Farmer Jack’s house.
His jaw dropped the moment he saw the sign
‘NUDIST COLONY’
‘Slow down and watch for chicks!’