Can you imagine risking your life as a police officer and then having to examine a drunk’s nude posterior to look closely for a gunshot wound?
“Hey, why do I have to do it, Ed?”
“I’ve been on the force ten years. You’ve been here a year. I outrank you. You are hereby in charge of the rear end detail.”
Maybe they could go down to the Stonewall Bar and get some enthusiastic volunteers. A job to be done right requires diligence & enthusiasm, I am sure that Bar will thorough & high quality job.
Call for the EMT’s to do their job, and if the rectum tries to leave, knee cap him.
Things one would never hear on Broadway Is My Beat.