US tourist: “In the states, we wash our hands after using the restroom.”
Frenchman: “In France, we don’t piss on our hands”.
I remember talking to a guy once about handwashing after urinating, and with a big grin he said:
"Why do I have to do that? With all the washing, that is the CLEANEST part of my body!"
Of course, I always liked the joke about a cook in Patton's Third Army:
Patton was inspecting the kitchens, and was known to be both fastidious about efficiency and cleanliness. When he came to one of the cooks, he noticed that he had a spoon in his pocket and a string coming out of the fly of his olive drabs. Patton paused and looked around, and saw the other mess cooks had a spoon in their breast pocket and a string exiting their fly. Curious, Patton asked what the purpose of the spoon in the breast pocket was. The cook replied they had a military efficiency expert analyze them, and determined that soldiers on average dropped their spoon 10 percent of the time and held up the line fumbling around for it in the line. He said they were instructed to always keep a spoon ready to hand to someone when they dropped it, and that one thing sped up the entire process by 10%. Patton was impressed, and then asked what the string coming out of of his trousers was for. The cook explained that the efficiency expert said they were taking too much time washing their hands, and they could speed things up by tying a string around their member, and pulling it out when they had to go, saving them another 10% in time. Patton was impressed at the efficiency and attention to hygiene and began to walk away, then paused and turned around. "Private," he said, "I can see how that would keep your hands clean pulling it out, but what about putting it back in?" The private lowered his voice while glancing around and said "Sir, I don't know about the other guys, but I use the spoon!"